a science experiment in order to find out:
1- Why every time you walk in the front door, nature calls.
2- Why you must eat about half the french fries out of the bag as you drive home.
And/or why 2 fries at once tastes way better than just one at a time.
3- Why the smell of burnt popcorn can last for days, but the smell of freshly
baked bread wont.
4- And why, oh why... Naw, never mind.
*For the record, I really do like science. This is not just about getting to wear a lab coat or goggles. It's not even about Dexter. But I really like all 3 of those things as well.*
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
halfway here, and halfway there....
There are times in life that call out for a change. Provo, our spring was beautiful, but our love feel asleep in the snow..
It is time, time, time for me to go!
This is me, officially one car load into Salt Lake City. By the new year I will be 100% resident of SLC. I get giddy just thinking about it.. driving up my new street, buzzing into my new apartment.. orientation at my new school.. sometimes change is so good i think i could be addicted to it.
I will, however, miss things about Provo.. mainly people-things and other...things.
Last year, around this time, Rachel made me a cd that called, "new year, new life, new ipod" I think this years cd should be called, "new year, new school, new apartment, new hair, new life" or something like that.
There is reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last.
Oh and another thing:
I wait all year long for these:
They are So Delicious!
It is time, time, time for me to go!
This is me, officially one car load into Salt Lake City. By the new year I will be 100% resident of SLC. I get giddy just thinking about it.. driving up my new street, buzzing into my new apartment.. orientation at my new school.. sometimes change is so good i think i could be addicted to it.
I will, however, miss things about Provo.. mainly people-things and other...things.
Last year, around this time, Rachel made me a cd that called, "new year, new life, new ipod" I think this years cd should be called, "new year, new school, new apartment, new hair, new life" or something like that.
There is reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last.
Oh and another thing:
I wait all year long for these:
They are So Delicious!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sister Winter
Sister Winter
"Oh my friends I've
Begun to worry right
Where I should be grateful
I should be satisfied
Oh my heart I
Would clap and dance in place
With my friends I have so
Much pleasure to embrace
But my heart is
Returned to sister winter
But my heart is
As cold as ice
All my friends, I've
Returned to sister winter
All my friends, I
Apologise, apologise"
Just serves as a helpful reminder that when you think you have no words... somebody else probably already wrote them..
in this case, it was sufjan stevens.
thanks sufjan.
"Oh my friends I've
Begun to worry right
Where I should be grateful
I should be satisfied
Oh my heart I
Would clap and dance in place
With my friends I have so
Much pleasure to embrace
But my heart is
Returned to sister winter
But my heart is
As cold as ice
All my friends, I've
Returned to sister winter
All my friends, I
Apologise, apologise"
Just serves as a helpful reminder that when you think you have no words... somebody else probably already wrote them..
in this case, it was sufjan stevens.
thanks sufjan.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday morning I woke up before my alarm. I had had a weird dream. The kind that makes you want to raise your eye brow in the general direction of your subconscious and ask, "what the?"
But the dream is not the point, the point was I was up earlier than normal.. So up early and even in the first moments of the getting-ready-for-work routine, I knew what I wanted to do that day more than anything else. I wanted to read. This happens sometimes. Not just read a little bit, or even read the book I am in the middle of. I want to pick up a brand new book, that still smells like the bookstore, curl up and read that whole thing, cover to cover, in one sitting, however long that would be.
I got ready...early. Left the house... early
and drove to the bookstore. I picked up 2 books. No Country for Old Men and The History of Love. After reading the first page of both, I decided on No Country for old men. After reading the back covers, I decided on a History of Love. After looking at the time, and the line at the register, I decided not to buy either one... I was almost late for work. Slow day, nothing was entertaining because I knew what I wanted to be doing. I read about each book and each author on wikipedia and after thinking about it all day and finally finishing the work day, I went back to the bookstore and bought The History of Love. I that night in the library as much as I could. Taking breaks to work on my homework and talk to Jules and eat.. When all you want to do is read your new book, you realize how many other things you have to get done. Thursday the mood to read remained. Thursday was a busy day. Temple. Got to read a bit. Lunch and a movie with Aaron. Shower. Dinner with the crew. Got home late got to reading and feel asleep.. stayed asleep on the couch for most of the night fully clothed with the middle pages of the book mashed, folded and pushed up next to me.. The morning came. Today, the weather stepped in to help perpetuate the mood. It has been raining all day and all I thought about at work was the book I was reading and reading more of it... I'm home, and I have been reading. Until now. I am on page 116 of this novel and I had to find some way, someone to tell that this is one of the most moving/touching/perfect/beautiful books that I have ever, ever read.
But the dream is not the point, the point was I was up earlier than normal.. So up early and even in the first moments of the getting-ready-for-work routine, I knew what I wanted to do that day more than anything else. I wanted to read. This happens sometimes. Not just read a little bit, or even read the book I am in the middle of. I want to pick up a brand new book, that still smells like the bookstore, curl up and read that whole thing, cover to cover, in one sitting, however long that would be.
I got ready...early. Left the house... early
and drove to the bookstore. I picked up 2 books. No Country for Old Men and The History of Love. After reading the first page of both, I decided on No Country for old men. After reading the back covers, I decided on a History of Love. After looking at the time, and the line at the register, I decided not to buy either one... I was almost late for work. Slow day, nothing was entertaining because I knew what I wanted to be doing. I read about each book and each author on wikipedia and after thinking about it all day and finally finishing the work day, I went back to the bookstore and bought The History of Love. I that night in the library as much as I could. Taking breaks to work on my homework and talk to Jules and eat.. When all you want to do is read your new book, you realize how many other things you have to get done. Thursday the mood to read remained. Thursday was a busy day. Temple. Got to read a bit. Lunch and a movie with Aaron. Shower. Dinner with the crew. Got home late got to reading and feel asleep.. stayed asleep on the couch for most of the night fully clothed with the middle pages of the book mashed, folded and pushed up next to me.. The morning came. Today, the weather stepped in to help perpetuate the mood. It has been raining all day and all I thought about at work was the book I was reading and reading more of it... I'm home, and I have been reading. Until now. I am on page 116 of this novel and I had to find some way, someone to tell that this is one of the most moving/touching/perfect/beautiful books that I have ever, ever read.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
of hair, holidays and hoomies
"School is a battle field... for your heart. So when Rayanne Graph (Or Justin Taylor, in my case) told me that my hair was holding me back, I had to listen... because s[he] wasn't just talking about my hair..." -my so-called life always puts it so nicely.
This year I give special thanks for pinatas, mad libs, donkeys who need their tails pinned on, girls who step in wasps nests, girls who dont order peppers on the pizza, girls who say things like "hippos for five" in crazy languages, and girls who show up late, and yet, precisely on time. I give thanks for thumbs that smush eye balls, boys who lose gas caps, pies and pi (and number like it), the fam-ers and the babes, pigs in a blanket, my soon-to-be apartment, the residents thereof, the air mattress that is always there ready for me..
OH, and Band of Annuls. There are almost no words. I thought the CD was good, but seeing them live was life changing.. mmmmmmm.
Um, also, just in case you were wondering, Billy Corgan blinks with his fists.
http://www.amazon.com/Blinking-Fists-Poems-Billy-Corgan/dp/0571211704/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196122500&sr=8-1
(some of it is way good)
Oh Provo, Provo, Provo, we are entering our endless numbered days..
Monday, November 19, 2007
A joyous squeel!!
In a letter to priesthood leaders dated November 7, 2007, the First Presidency has announced the construction of a temple in San Salvador, El Salvador. The presidency noted the blessing this temple will be to the many faithful Saints of the San Salvador area who currently travel long distances to participate in temple ordinances.
Location: San Salvador, El Salvador.
Announcement: 7 November 2007
Maybe it will look like this...
In a letter to priesthood leaders dated November 7, 2007, the First Presidency has announced the construction of a temple in San Salvador, El Salvador. The presidency noted the blessing this temple will be to the many faithful Saints of the San Salvador area who currently travel long distances to participate in temple ordinances.
Location: San Salvador, El Salvador.
Announcement: 7 November 2007
Maybe it will look like this...
Saturday, November 17, 2007
llegar a ser
There are things in life to know, and there are things in life to become..
To Become.. in spanish would be "llegar a ser."
Llegar a ser, literally translated is "to arrive at being"...
Must you first know something in order to become it/live it/arrive at being it? Or must you first become it/live it/arrive at being it before you can truly know something?
There are ever so many things that i would like know.. and infinitely more things that I would like to become..
(possible explanation for the draw to acting?? the constant challenge to become something new??)
To Become.. in spanish would be "llegar a ser."
Llegar a ser, literally translated is "to arrive at being"...
Must you first know something in order to become it/live it/arrive at being it? Or must you first become it/live it/arrive at being it before you can truly know something?
There are ever so many things that i would like know.. and infinitely more things that I would like to become..
(possible explanation for the draw to acting?? the constant challenge to become something new??)
Monday, November 12, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
perfection...
is this music video last night on the big screen at the gym..
i ran, and i am a seagull..
perfect.
i ran, and i am a seagull..
perfect.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
sunday with e.e and tree
i thank you God for this most amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any- lifted from the no
of all nothing- human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
-e.e cummings
Sunday, October 21, 2007
A Carrot is a Carrot, and i am an actress...
Little parallels and revelations about/in/with
The Seagull
(my life at the moment)
"Artistic literature is called artistic for the very reason that it depicts life as it really is. Its aim is truth -absolute and honest" –Chekhov 1887
"The Seagull is nonsense, nothing about it is true. It is altogether very weak".
–Tolstoy, commenting on Chekhov's dramatic work.
(thank you Tolstoy. Oh, the irony)
"If you should ever need my life, come and take it" Chekhov wrote that line in a short story and an actress actually inscribed it on a medallion as a gift for him (she was madly in love with him).. The exact same thing happens in The Seagull between Nina and Treplev. He even used the same line "if you should ever need my life, come and take it" and he loaned the medallion that she gave him as a prop for the show. Real enough?..
(I wonder how that actress felt when she saw the play...)
The Hunger Artist by Kofka (so many parallels)
Like Cursive said, "art is hard"
Polina says, "I understand" 3 times in the play to Dorn and once to Masha. No other character ever says it.
Polina is Miss Understand too...
Polina (Russian) means small, humble.
"You ask: what is life? That's exactly like asking: what is a carrot? A carrot is a carrot, and nothing more is known about it" –Chekhov
The Seagull
(my life at the moment)
"Artistic literature is called artistic for the very reason that it depicts life as it really is. Its aim is truth -absolute and honest" –Chekhov 1887
"The Seagull is nonsense, nothing about it is true. It is altogether very weak".
–Tolstoy, commenting on Chekhov's dramatic work.
(thank you Tolstoy. Oh, the irony)
"If you should ever need my life, come and take it" Chekhov wrote that line in a short story and an actress actually inscribed it on a medallion as a gift for him (she was madly in love with him).. The exact same thing happens in The Seagull between Nina and Treplev. He even used the same line "if you should ever need my life, come and take it" and he loaned the medallion that she gave him as a prop for the show. Real enough?..
(I wonder how that actress felt when she saw the play...)
The Hunger Artist by Kofka (so many parallels)
Like Cursive said, "art is hard"
Polina says, "I understand" 3 times in the play to Dorn and once to Masha. No other character ever says it.
Polina is Miss Understand too...
Polina (Russian) means small, humble.
"You ask: what is life? That's exactly like asking: what is a carrot? A carrot is a carrot, and nothing more is known about it" –Chekhov
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
the question...
O ME! O life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the
foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I,
and who more faithless?) Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the
struggle ever renew'd,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see
around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me
intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring-What good amid these, O me,
O life? ????????????
Answer.
That you are here-that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
These days it seems like everyone I come in contact with is struggling.. the questions always recurring... the trains of the faithless and foolish and myself also faithless and foolish... but the powerful play goes on..
Chin up everyone! Let's wrap up in sweaters and scarfs, drink apple cider and laaaaugh.......
(thanks Whitman..)
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the
foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I,
and who more faithless?) Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the
struggle ever renew'd,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see
around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me
intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring-What good amid these, O me,
O life? ????????????
Answer.
That you are here-that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
These days it seems like everyone I come in contact with is struggling.. the questions always recurring... the trains of the faithless and foolish and myself also faithless and foolish... but the powerful play goes on..
Chin up everyone! Let's wrap up in sweaters and scarfs, drink apple cider and laaaaugh.......
(thanks Whitman..)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Still Life...
"In the world according to the positivist, the inspiring thing about scrambled eggs is that any way you turn them they're sunny side up. In the world according to the existentialist, the hopeless thing about scrambled eggs is that any way you turn them, they're scrambled. In the world according to the outlaw, it was wheaties-with-beer for breakfast, and who cared which crossed the road first, the chicken or the egg."
Tom Robbins makes me giggle...
Tom Robbins makes me giggle...
Monday, October 8, 2007
..Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time..
..it's easy, all you need is love!
Across the Universe. Saw it today with mom. During one of the most intense scences she leans over and wispers "imagine what it was like to grow up in that. I did. I grew up then.."
Amazing.
Other Colubus Day Weekend Favorties:
GENERAL CONFERENCE!! Alwasy amazing.. I had many favorites.
Elder Scott was one of them.. so was Bruce D. Porter.. I want to be a better person.
*Car window is fixed!!
*One whole day, totally 100% off!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
ACTING CLASS
acting class
Everyone should take acting classes. In acting class you are actually graded on things like "personal risk taking" and "realization of your creative potential"..
I love acting classes.. What other class would ask you to stand in the middle of a circle of your peers and create scene without words between you and a blue towel... It's pretty much awesome.
Everyone should take acting classes. In acting class you are actually graded on things like "personal risk taking" and "realization of your creative potential"..
I love acting classes.. What other class would ask you to stand in the middle of a circle of your peers and create scene without words between you and a blue towel... It's pretty much awesome.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
miss understanding
(sorry) I misunderstood...
But , then, i knew i would
i am miss understanding..
So,
If you want to stand away for all the right reasons
(or to stand with.... someone else)
It is okay, it is all right, and i...
i will
stand
under
miss
-ing you
Not comprehending, but understanding
(I understand)
i really do
i am miss understanding
*see also Miss Take*
But , then, i knew i would
i am miss understanding..
So,
If you want to stand away for all the right reasons
(or to stand with.... someone else)
It is okay, it is all right, and i...
i will
stand
under
miss
-ing you
Not comprehending, but understanding
(I understand)
i really do
i am miss understanding
*see also Miss Take*
the cast list
So, they always hold auditions on Fridays, so that they can do call backs on saturday mornings and then you know that they are not going to post a cast list until Monday. It's like Mindy says, it's so they can torment you! They don't need all that time to think about the cast, chances are they totally made up their minds the second that callbacks were over! They just relax all the rest of their weekend at the movies and dinner while you focus very hard all weekend on being way too busy to care if the list is up or not...
As you walk up the steps of the building Monday, you are talking nonstop to yourself inside your head. You tell yourself all the things you might need to hear. Like "it's good just to get called back, getting called back means that you are good. If you dont get cast, it's just because you maybe weren't right for the role... or maybe you reminded them of their niece who just crashed their new car.." As you get closer to the list your inner comments grow more intense, "you know, it would actually be better NOT to get cast, who has time for all that rehearsal right now?? Do I really want to move back into the theater??" ...
Then, you see it, a white piece of paper taped up, you get closer and your heart is in your throat... only that's not it.. its just an add for some summer internship and a list of the places you could go.. heart rate goes down a smidge..
You move on and THERE it is. THE CAST LIST... Your eyes skim for your name. You look but everything is blurry.. what are those symbols? Oh yeah, they are letters.. letters?? How do I spell my name again? Is it there? Is it there? Did I get it? .........................
You see it! Your name! Wait, surely not! Is that how I spell my name? E-M-I... YES! YES, that's me!!! Holy Crap! Now there is lots of shaking and desire to scream out loud... but you walk calmly to the bathroom, go into the stall, lock it and do a short but energized happy dance! (thank you, thank you, i needed this)
That's how it happens sometimes.. and sometimes, they just call you on the phone.. either way, It's nice to be cast sometimes...
As you walk up the steps of the building Monday, you are talking nonstop to yourself inside your head. You tell yourself all the things you might need to hear. Like "it's good just to get called back, getting called back means that you are good. If you dont get cast, it's just because you maybe weren't right for the role... or maybe you reminded them of their niece who just crashed their new car.." As you get closer to the list your inner comments grow more intense, "you know, it would actually be better NOT to get cast, who has time for all that rehearsal right now?? Do I really want to move back into the theater??" ...
Then, you see it, a white piece of paper taped up, you get closer and your heart is in your throat... only that's not it.. its just an add for some summer internship and a list of the places you could go.. heart rate goes down a smidge..
You move on and THERE it is. THE CAST LIST... Your eyes skim for your name. You look but everything is blurry.. what are those symbols? Oh yeah, they are letters.. letters?? How do I spell my name again? Is it there? Is it there? Did I get it? .........................
You see it! Your name! Wait, surely not! Is that how I spell my name? E-M-I... YES! YES, that's me!!! Holy Crap! Now there is lots of shaking and desire to scream out loud... but you walk calmly to the bathroom, go into the stall, lock it and do a short but energized happy dance! (thank you, thank you, i needed this)
That's how it happens sometimes.. and sometimes, they just call you on the phone.. either way, It's nice to be cast sometimes...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Peter, James, John, Holden Caufeild and I....
"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."
And Jesus said unto Simon, fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men. And when they had their ships to land, they forsook all and followed him.
By this shall men know ye are my disciples if ye have love one to another...
Charity: the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affecton.
Charity suffereth long and it kind and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things..
i have a ways to go yet...
And Jesus said unto Simon, fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men. And when they had their ships to land, they forsook all and followed him.
By this shall men know ye are my disciples if ye have love one to another...
Charity: the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affecton.
Charity suffereth long and it kind and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things..
i have a ways to go yet...
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Very Geriatric
Thursday Mornings en el templo. 5 hours of working with old, old people..
It is so rad i can hardly explain..
today an extremely old lady, with jet black dyed hair and very pink lipstick, told me (and I quote) " I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she proceeded, shortly after, to say that when you are her age you "get nervous to close your eyes and lay down for fear they will put a sheet over you" (they?)
she then proceeded to tell me how young and beautiful i was.
i freakin LOVE old people!
It is so rad i can hardly explain..
today an extremely old lady, with jet black dyed hair and very pink lipstick, told me (and I quote) " I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she proceeded, shortly after, to say that when you are her age you "get nervous to close your eyes and lay down for fear they will put a sheet over you" (they?)
she then proceeded to tell me how young and beautiful i was.
i freakin LOVE old people!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
the reminder is reminding me...
i LOVE Feist..
"Intuition"
What gives what helps the intuition?
I know I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although although
They can lead you
Break or defeat you
A destination known
Only by the one
Who's fate is overgrown
Piecemeal can break your home in half
A love is not complete with only heat
And they can tease you
Break or complete you
And it came a heat wave
A merciful save
You choose you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I did I miss out on you?
"The Park"
Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across
The sea to surprise you
Not him who would know
Where in London to find you
With sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past
The past
The past
Turns whole to half
The past
Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you
From knowing the truth
Why would you think your boy could become
The man who could make you sure he was the one?
The one
My one
My one
*see also "I feel it all" and "my moon my man"
"Intuition"
What gives what helps the intuition?
I know I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although although
They can lead you
Break or defeat you
A destination known
Only by the one
Who's fate is overgrown
Piecemeal can break your home in half
A love is not complete with only heat
And they can tease you
Break or complete you
And it came a heat wave
A merciful save
You choose you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I did I miss out on you?
"The Park"
Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across
The sea to surprise you
Not him who would know
Where in London to find you
With sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past
The past
The past
Turns whole to half
The past
Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you
From knowing the truth
Why would you think your boy could become
The man who could make you sure he was the one?
The one
My one
My one
*see also "I feel it all" and "my moon my man"
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
There's no home like place...
spent the morning cleaning and unpacking.. it's the same apartment i was in all last year, but it still doesnt really have that "home" feeling/touch/smell/taste.. i was in vegas for the last 2 months and it was still hard to fall asleep in that bed, and in that room 'cause it didn't exactly feel like home.. half my heart resides in el salvador, but that's not exactly home either..
i think there are stages in life where you just live places, but are, in fact, homeless..
this morning i finished a most momentous book.. in it Brod explained that there were more than 600 kinds of sadness.. 600 sadnesses, if you will.. one of them, "the sadness of finishing a book".. so true
BUT i started and new book and its amazing, i started a new job and it seems fun, i got some new music and it's very gooooood. new things have a happiness all their own...
i think there are stages in life where you just live places, but are, in fact, homeless..
this morning i finished a most momentous book.. in it Brod explained that there were more than 600 kinds of sadness.. 600 sadnesses, if you will.. one of them, "the sadness of finishing a book".. so true
BUT i started and new book and its amazing, i started a new job and it seems fun, i got some new music and it's very gooooood. new things have a happiness all their own...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
little contradicions...
"boy, i would like to lose 10 lbs. " i think to myself as the spoon scrapes the bottom...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
a paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox...
what is truth?
"truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were and as they are to come"
education week is blowing my mind.. just before i headed up to ed week, Rachel handed me a copy of a lecture by Eugene England.. (http://www.zionsbest.com/gospel.html) (I highly recommend that everyone read it! Go there, read it, now...)
Among many other things, England suggested in his discourse that when people refer to "the gospel" they are referring to "a perfect system of revealed doctrines and commandments based in principals which infallibly express the natural laws of the universe" He goes on to explain that the natural laws of the universe and even eternal gospel principals "appear to be fundamentally paradoxical." His point was that the church "provides the best context for struggling with, working through, enduring and being redeemed by our responses to those paradoxes and oppositions that give energy and meaning to the universe" (you simply MUST read the whole lecture...)
With all of those things in mind, today I attended a class on The Creation taught by a geologist.. it was insane! He quoted John Widtsoe who said, "scientific truth cannot be theological lie. To the sane mind, theology and philosophy must harmonize. They have common ground of truth on which to meet." He proceeded to explain that as a religious geologist he felt often like a person sitting in the middle of a fight between two sides, where he could see that both sides were actually right; but he couldn't explain to either side that they both were right! He then talked about the creation of the world from a completely scientific and religious perspective, and it was harmonious! The laws of the universe ARE paradoxical and yet, harmonious. He said that most serious and sincere scientists see it that way. The ancient Greeks realized that there was something bigger behind the creation, so they separated it into two things: the physical creation and "the mind" behind the physical creation. Einstein said that it was obvious to him that "something deeply hidden had to be beyond all things." This geologist talked about DNA. How "things which are SEEN (bodies etc) are actually made up of things which are not seen" and this is a testimony of the science of religion...
a paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox!
i cant sleep because all of these things are bouncing around in my brain!!
"truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were and as they are to come"
education week is blowing my mind.. just before i headed up to ed week, Rachel handed me a copy of a lecture by Eugene England.. (http://www.zionsbest.com/gospel.html) (I highly recommend that everyone read it! Go there, read it, now...)
Among many other things, England suggested in his discourse that when people refer to "the gospel" they are referring to "a perfect system of revealed doctrines and commandments based in principals which infallibly express the natural laws of the universe" He goes on to explain that the natural laws of the universe and even eternal gospel principals "appear to be fundamentally paradoxical." His point was that the church "provides the best context for struggling with, working through, enduring and being redeemed by our responses to those paradoxes and oppositions that give energy and meaning to the universe" (you simply MUST read the whole lecture...)
With all of those things in mind, today I attended a class on The Creation taught by a geologist.. it was insane! He quoted John Widtsoe who said, "scientific truth cannot be theological lie. To the sane mind, theology and philosophy must harmonize. They have common ground of truth on which to meet." He proceeded to explain that as a religious geologist he felt often like a person sitting in the middle of a fight between two sides, where he could see that both sides were actually right; but he couldn't explain to either side that they both were right! He then talked about the creation of the world from a completely scientific and religious perspective, and it was harmonious! The laws of the universe ARE paradoxical and yet, harmonious. He said that most serious and sincere scientists see it that way. The ancient Greeks realized that there was something bigger behind the creation, so they separated it into two things: the physical creation and "the mind" behind the physical creation. Einstein said that it was obvious to him that "something deeply hidden had to be beyond all things." This geologist talked about DNA. How "things which are SEEN (bodies etc) are actually made up of things which are not seen" and this is a testimony of the science of religion...
a paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox!
i cant sleep because all of these things are bouncing around in my brain!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
A.M. bike ride...
soo.. a few weeks ago Rachel and I went and bought new bikes.. i really, really, really like my new bike.. this morning i woke up at 7:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep.. most of the time, its too hot to ride a bike in Vegas in August, but not at 7:00 am! It was a good ride, even went through some sprinklers.. the ipod did well this morning also.. this is what came up on the shuffle:
first: heartbeats -jose gonzales (goooooood morning, i thought i was kind of tired of this song.. turns out, i'm not)
second: the trapeze swinger -iron and wine (almost cried)
third: the long list of girls -the blow
fourth: Everywhere -Fleetwood Mac (blast from the past)
fifth: Hallelujah -Rufus Wainright
and with Rufus I pulled back into the driveway.. it was a good morning...
first: heartbeats -jose gonzales (goooooood morning, i thought i was kind of tired of this song.. turns out, i'm not)
second: the trapeze swinger -iron and wine (almost cried)
third: the long list of girls -the blow
fourth: Everywhere -Fleetwood Mac (blast from the past)
fifth: Hallelujah -Rufus Wainright
and with Rufus I pulled back into the driveway.. it was a good morning...
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
poems, shmomes and garden gnomes...
Two works in progress and one incredibly awesome garden gnome... just, ya know, because...
i am miss take
miss take has no mystery, style or grace
having not one of her own she momentarily borrows my face.
it's not that i want the things that she takes
or that i want to be her, or to fix what she breaks
but i'll admit, at low points, she is more than my face
sometimes i become that regrettable miss take..
the more i forget who i really am
the more miss take takes over and gains power to stand
i want so badly for her to stay away from you
but beware that if you kiss me, you could kiss miss take too
the other night... i dont know exactly what was at stake,
but i felt i should say i'm sorry, it was my miss take..
Indecision
i think you should wed your indecision
she is the only one who gets your full and undivided attention
i feel it's unfair because i've been hurt and i am playing lame
i can only be picked last so many times before i'll give up the game
why don't you just wed pretty little indecision
heaven knows i cant hold your full attention...
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Dear Avril
hey, so, eh....... 'member that one time when you got married?? why you singin 'bout bein' someone's girlfriend?
oh and did you really say, "she's like, so whatever??"
...
guilelessly,
em
crazy?
A while back i was hanging out at Mindy's house. Mindy and i were talking and we didn't realize that Ashton had managed to open the front door and make his way down the drive way. As an obedient little brother, Noah had followed Ashton and they were both playing around the car by the time a panicked Mindy found them in the front yard. She grabbed Aston's hand an immediately took him in the house and put him in "time out". When time out was over, Mindy (being the freakin awesome mom that she is) tried to talk to Ashton.. the conversation played out something like this...
Mindy- "Ashton, i want you to understand that i don't want you to go outside with out me or daddy there with you because it's dangerous"
Ashton- "why?"
Mindy- "Because outside there are cars and they drive fast and maybe they wont see you and they will hurt you."
Ashton- "why?"
Mindy- "When you go outside without us, Noah follows you and he could also get hurt. i love you and i don't want you to get hurt so absolutely no going outside with out me or daddy, okay?
Ashton: "why?"
Mindy- (getting slightly exasperated..) "Because if you go outside with out us, you will go in time out.."
Ashton- (let's it go for a minute and walks a little ways away and says quietly) "why?.."
The conversation is closed..
i think that at times there are a lot of things that may not make perfect sense in my brain, i like to ask 'why' a lot. i don't think that's bad, but i don't think that my personal knowledge and understanding is the end all be all either. i believe in God, maybe there are times that i have asked why and He has tried to explain, but i have missed it.. i am, thus, willing to have faith on some things...
This is how i understand the context of what King Benjamen said, "Believe in God, believe that he is...believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."
i know enough to know that i can trust.. ashton should just trust Mindy. going outside by himself is a bad idea.. he will understand eventually...
i don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me... i think it might sound like i am crazy...
Mindy- "Ashton, i want you to understand that i don't want you to go outside with out me or daddy there with you because it's dangerous"
Ashton- "why?"
Mindy- "Because outside there are cars and they drive fast and maybe they wont see you and they will hurt you."
Ashton- "why?"
Mindy- "When you go outside without us, Noah follows you and he could also get hurt. i love you and i don't want you to get hurt so absolutely no going outside with out me or daddy, okay?
Ashton: "why?"
Mindy- (getting slightly exasperated..) "Because if you go outside with out us, you will go in time out.."
Ashton- (let's it go for a minute and walks a little ways away and says quietly) "why?.."
The conversation is closed..
i think that at times there are a lot of things that may not make perfect sense in my brain, i like to ask 'why' a lot. i don't think that's bad, but i don't think that my personal knowledge and understanding is the end all be all either. i believe in God, maybe there are times that i have asked why and He has tried to explain, but i have missed it.. i am, thus, willing to have faith on some things...
This is how i understand the context of what King Benjamen said, "Believe in God, believe that he is...believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."
i know enough to know that i can trust.. ashton should just trust Mindy. going outside by himself is a bad idea.. he will understand eventually...
i don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me... i think it might sound like i am crazy...
Friday, August 3, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Someday....
special thanks to Britannie who put this song on the birthday mix..
all i have to say is.... someday....
all i have to say is.... someday....
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
young folks...
this song/video never gets old... i still love it! if my ipod were stuck on one song for a week, i would be okay with it being this song...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute??"
In Our Town when Emily Webb dies, she chooses to go back, just for one day to relive her life and say goodbye. When I got the opportunity to play Emily something like 5 years ago, I got so frustrated with myself when it came to her 'goodbye' monologue at the end. I always just felt like I couldn't quite get there.. I couldn't say or feel it quite right. It wasn't until about 2 weeks ago when I was asked to go back, for just one day, and do the piece again, that I realized why. This time, saying those words.. just felt real. I couldn't help but cry. Youth is interesting, and growing older is even more interesting. When I first fell in love with this play, I feel in love mostly with the love story between Emily and George. I thought I got the message at the end, but now that I am just a little older, now that I have actually had to live through a few things, held on to some things, let go of other things.. and have looked back and realized that I have taken things for granted, I understand the real genius of Wilder's play. I wont forget this night, ever.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Excellent Character..
"To enjoy things we ought and to hate things we ought has the greatest bearing on excellence of character" -Aristotle
Interesting... I have been thinking a lot lately about being a person of good character.. How profound to think that our character includes recognizing when things are wrong, and if they are wrong, we shouldn't enjoy doing them or hope for them to happen even. And if they are right, we should enjoy doing and/or hope for them..
Also interesting to consider this thought from Aristotle in the context of "wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10) and also to consider that Ammon taught King Lamoni that God understands the thoughts and intents of our hearts. (Alma 18:32).
So, deep down inside our character (hearts), what do we really enjoy??? (enjoy doing, seek for, aspire to) ??
And what do we hate?
Interesting... I have been thinking a lot lately about being a person of good character.. How profound to think that our character includes recognizing when things are wrong, and if they are wrong, we shouldn't enjoy doing them or hope for them to happen even. And if they are right, we should enjoy doing and/or hope for them..
Also interesting to consider this thought from Aristotle in the context of "wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10) and also to consider that Ammon taught King Lamoni that God understands the thoughts and intents of our hearts. (Alma 18:32).
So, deep down inside our character (hearts), what do we really enjoy??? (enjoy doing, seek for, aspire to) ??
And what do we hate?
Thursday, May 17, 2007
One year ago today.. I said a sad goodbye... to El Salvador
"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be." ~J.D. Salinger
What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse. ~J.D. Salinger
Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody. ~J.D. Salinger
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
poems, shmomes...
Hard to know who's ship exactly has sailed,
I could have tried my whole like to make you happy,
And I easily would have failed..
We're cutting the ropes to this hot air balloon... I cant stand that it's so anti-climactic
and that You and I are so far from over dramatic..
So grown up and so far away from fifteen,
So much easier for you to be subtly mean..
You know... last night I dreamt up a proper goodbye,
somewhere inside the one that never happened between you and i
i had to dream up the opportunity to scream..
(in reality) i'll settle for high and dry, messed up, but clean..
I could have tried my whole like to make you happy,
And I easily would have failed..
We're cutting the ropes to this hot air balloon... I cant stand that it's so anti-climactic
and that You and I are so far from over dramatic..
So grown up and so far away from fifteen,
So much easier for you to be subtly mean..
You know... last night I dreamt up a proper goodbye,
somewhere inside the one that never happened between you and i
i had to dream up the opportunity to scream..
(in reality) i'll settle for high and dry, messed up, but clean..
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
Worst feeling in the world!
Today.. I thought I lost my wallet! I wasn't all that freaked out at first.. and then I started to think about all the things that were inside my wallet! My wallet is pretty much FULL of treasures that are all important to me in my life.. There are the basic important things ie: the Temple Recommend, Social Security Card, Debit and Credit cards, My library card, grocery store cards, etc... all those things I need, and it would really SUCK to loose them. Then there are those 4 one dollar bills and the $2.75 in quarters that I was planning on using for my laundry.. THAT would suck to lose! But there is so much more to my wallet then all of those things.. also tucked inside the beat up denim exterior of this Way out of style Roxy’s brand wallet that I have had sense 11th grade, are so many memories! A few examples:
1. Dave Matthews Band Concert ticket (don’t judge me) from Sat Aug 28, 2004.
2. Ticket from Deathcab for Cutie Aug 8, 2006.
3. Ticket from "LOVE" the cirque du soleil show, June 12, 2006.
4. The "Dear Returned Missionary Card" from President Call, May 17, 2006.
5. A Canadian 5 that someone gave to me.
6. An "I'll be back/All finished" card that Katie O and I stole from Sweet Tomatoes freshman year in college?.
7. Ticket flyer from the Andy Warhol celebrity portraits show at the Bellagio Gallery of Art, Sept 2003.
8. THREE different fortunes from long eaten fortune cookies that read, "People are waiting for cues from you", "Take that chance you've been considering", and the oldest and my most favorite, "you have a deep interest in all that is artistic."
I can’t help but think that these little treasures and memories are little symbols of my life! Thinking my wallet was lost was pretty much the worst feeling ever. That has never happened to me. Thank heaven for honest people and the Lost and Found in the Wilkinson Center. PHEW! All my treasures are back in my position.
1. Dave Matthews Band Concert ticket (don’t judge me) from Sat Aug 28, 2004.
2. Ticket from Deathcab for Cutie Aug 8, 2006.
3. Ticket from "LOVE" the cirque du soleil show, June 12, 2006.
4. The "Dear Returned Missionary Card" from President Call, May 17, 2006.
5. A Canadian 5 that someone gave to me.
6. An "I'll be back/All finished" card that Katie O and I stole from Sweet Tomatoes freshman year in college?.
7. Ticket flyer from the Andy Warhol celebrity portraits show at the Bellagio Gallery of Art, Sept 2003.
8. THREE different fortunes from long eaten fortune cookies that read, "People are waiting for cues from you", "Take that chance you've been considering", and the oldest and my most favorite, "you have a deep interest in all that is artistic."
I can’t help but think that these little treasures and memories are little symbols of my life! Thinking my wallet was lost was pretty much the worst feeling ever. That has never happened to me. Thank heaven for honest people and the Lost and Found in the Wilkinson Center. PHEW! All my treasures are back in my position.
Friday, April 20, 2007
7 things I dont particularly love about me..
1. How I bite my nails
2. How I often let laziness win
3. How I am incapable of making decisions
4. How little self discipline/self control I have in me
5. How I still compare myself to other people
6. How I verbally put myself down in front of others (I am not fishing for complements. I really have no idea why I do that)
7. How I really, really cant spell.. at all..
Hope this isn't too emo. For the record, I do like me.. for the most part.. I just think it's good to recognize your flaws.. sometimes...
2. How I often let laziness win
3. How I am incapable of making decisions
4. How little self discipline/self control I have in me
5. How I still compare myself to other people
6. How I verbally put myself down in front of others (I am not fishing for complements. I really have no idea why I do that)
7. How I really, really cant spell.. at all..
Hope this isn't too emo. For the record, I do like me.. for the most part.. I just think it's good to recognize your flaws.. sometimes...
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
De Nadie
Everyone in the world should see this documentary. De Nadie is a documentary about courage and also about the injustices suffered by thousands of people from Central America. They are robbed, tortured and raped, and sometimes also murdered, in Mexico. It was first released at Sundance in 2005 and I just saw it a week ago. Watching the Central Americans featured made me think of the hundreds of people I meet in El Salvador and all of the horrific things they suffered. As far as the immigration issue, I was able to see first hand the families that were left behind and what life was like for them. I even meet a few people who returned battered and handicapped from Mexico. I know this is a delicate issue, but I think everyone should think about that this film has to say.. As for me, I want to go line up by the railroad tracks in Mexico and pass some sack lunches on to the travelers!Thursday, April 5, 2007
play it again, Sam...
It's almost embarrassing how many times I have watched Casablanca. You can really say a movie is "great" when it has endless replay value. I don't know what it is about this movie.. maybe it's because my first encounter with the film was so "romantic". I first saw this classic on a huge white screen, over looking the Lake, outside on a blanket at Lake Las Vegas. The scene was something out of a movie... For me, it was defiantly love at first sight. And I'm sure it's because this film is simply incredible! Consider for a moment all of the amazing famous lines that come from this movie.. "Here's looking at you, kid" "Round up the usual suspects" "Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship" "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine""all the world is going crazy and we pick this time to fall in love" and probably my favorite "We'll always have Paris." They almost won an academy award for the screenplay and in my opinion, they should have! People who have never even seen this film quote it!! I love when Ilsa says "I don't know what's right or wrong anymore, you have to think for the both of us." Who has not felt like that? I know I have. It's just amazing that Rick was able to decide what he did and let Ilsa go. How do you do that? How do you let someone you love go, even when you know it's probably the best thing?...
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
And the winner of the 5.1 points in the game of life is Britannie Bond! I should have know it would have been you, soul mate you! So the mysterious author in the upper right corner and now the lower left is none other than.. E. E. Cummmings, My favorite poet. (the lower left is his self portrat) 
He deserves a 2 blog entries. Poems so beautiful they hurt. A couple examples:
who knows if the moon's a balloon,
coming out of a keen city
in the sky--filled with pretty people?
(and if you and i should
get into it,if they
should take me and take you into their balloon,
why then
we'd go up higher with all the pretty people
than houses and steeples and clouds:
go sailing away
and away sailing into a keen
city which nobody's ever visited,where
always
it's
Spring)and everyone's
in love and flowers pick themselves
e.e. cummings &, N, &: Seven Poems
l(a
l(a
le
af
fa
ll
s)
one
l
iness
-ee cummings (unpublished poems)
AMAZING RIGHT?? Syntax, language and poetry will never be the same. He has even effected my own writing style:
Sometimes I still think you could fit my left hand
Like a right hand shoe
Everything here is so right and only when I wright
Do I start to think blue
.. and I think.. ‘when there’s nothing more of all this here
What will be left of me and you?’
It’s just that when you left I got left-some
(without you.. your great and distant nearness)
What was the left thing to do?
THINK RIGHT! I told myself, but it’s hard to know what’s
The right
(or wrong)
thing to do..
When all you know is left
and left has left you
(leftsome)
and with little instruction..
In the middle of the mess of what they wanted
I had my left hand pocketed
I may not be completely left brained but I assure you
I am left hearted
And deep down there’s only one thought that’s been left
(mildewey and new..)
That you (amor) could still fit my left hand
like a right hand shoe..
(and I have been thinking leftly) that I am partly, completely sure
I am only able to love you..
e.r.foster 2005
He deserves a 2 blog entries. Poems so beautiful they hurt. A couple examples:who knows if the moon's a balloon,
coming out of a keen city
in the sky--filled with pretty people?
(and if you and i should
get into it,if they
should take me and take you into their balloon,
why then
we'd go up higher with all the pretty people
than houses and steeples and clouds:
go sailing away
and away sailing into a keen
city which nobody's ever visited,where
always
it's
Spring)and everyone's
in love and flowers pick themselves
e.e. cummings &, N, &: Seven Poems
l(a
l(a
le
af
fa
ll
s)
one
l
iness
-ee cummings (unpublished poems)
AMAZING RIGHT?? Syntax, language and poetry will never be the same. He has even effected my own writing style:
Sometimes I still think you could fit my left hand
Like a right hand shoe
Everything here is so right and only when I wright
Do I start to think blue
.. and I think.. ‘when there’s nothing more of all this here
What will be left of me and you?’
It’s just that when you left I got left-some
(without you.. your great and distant nearness)
What was the left thing to do?
THINK RIGHT! I told myself, but it’s hard to know what’s
The right
(or wrong)
thing to do..
When all you know is left
and left has left you
(leftsome)
and with little instruction..
In the middle of the mess of what they wanted
I had my left hand pocketed
I may not be completely left brained but I assure you
I am left hearted
And deep down there’s only one thought that’s been left
(mildewey and new..)
That you (amor) could still fit my left hand
like a right hand shoe..
(and I have been thinking leftly) that I am partly, completely sure
I am only able to love you..
e.r.foster 2005
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Offical Blogger
Hey, Hey, this is my Blog... check out my blog... I have a 
blog. Woo, woo. I had a really great time deciding upon a name for this little place I intend to make my new personal outlet... I decided on "an illdressed wellmoving foolishwise" I wonder if anyone gets that.. Do you get it? If anyone can tell me what that came from, they will win the prize and the prize is 5.1 points in the game of life.. the only clue given is the picture included to the right.. Oh, Happy blog days are ahead. I can feel it.
I would just like to quickly thank Rachel VanWagoner, and Kim Miller for having such amazing blog's without which I may never have had the desire to start one. I don't know if I will have as many insightful things to share, but I certainly hope so.
blog. Woo, woo. I had a really great time deciding upon a name for this little place I intend to make my new personal outlet... I decided on "an illdressed wellmoving foolishwise" I wonder if anyone gets that.. Do you get it? If anyone can tell me what that came from, they will win the prize and the prize is 5.1 points in the game of life.. the only clue given is the picture included to the right.. Oh, Happy blog days are ahead. I can feel it.I would just like to quickly thank Rachel VanWagoner, and Kim Miller for having such amazing blog's without which I may never have had the desire to start one. I don't know if I will have as many insightful things to share, but I certainly hope so.
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