the invention of youtube makes me happy...

i really love everything about it.. the wall paper.. the posters.. the head bands.. all of it.

hold up, hold time..

Lately..



1. i have really wished i could hold time



2. i have been marge (please come see the play.. pretty please.)



3. i really fell in love with the brothers bloom..



4. i discovered that when you dress up like punky brewster for Halloween- most people in Provo do not know who that is.. (i'm kinda old??)



5. i have really relished the feeling of fall:

6. i have been longing a little for the east coast and all the people who are out there..

7. i have been missing all the people in the dirty, dirty sal..

8. i haven't been reading or writing (or, incidentally, blogging) enough..

goodbye el salvador...

A Walk
My eyes already touch the sunny hill.
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;

it has inner light, even from a distance-
and charges us, even if we do not reach it,into something else,
which, hardly sensing it,we already are; a gesture waves us on
answering our own wave...
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.
-rainer maria rilke

grasped by what i cannot grasp..
charged..

i will have to work backwards for the next couple of weeks to recount the events of the summer...

wrap me in your marrow- stuff me in your bones-sing a mending moan-- a song to bring me home...

sometimes you are where you were
and it feels the same and also it feels different.

a couple of days ago i was sitting on a rickety old bus- on my way back to where we are staying. no one was sitting next to me on the bus- there were other passengers, but we were all spread out... i pulled out a book- a really great book that intrigues me and makes me think.. but i couldn't read it. i didn't want to look down, i wanted to look out -the window. this place is so green. i remembered, but i almost forgot how green...

as we bumped along and i stared out the window, untouched book in lap, an older man boarded the bus.. he did not pay the quarter to ride and i assumed that very soon he would start either a religious "bus sermon" or he was going to start selling something-- because that is what almost always happens on the bus..

but this old man, in his wrinkly tan colored pants and dark shirt just stood and the front of the bus. He took his blue hat (not a baseball cap. a hat) he took it off his head and scrunched it up in the fists of both of his hands and held it directly in front of his chest. I noticed then that he was even older than i first thought.. he was probably in his 60's. He slowly closed his eyes and he held them shut tightly so there were little lines all round them... his round face looked even more round as he held his eyes closed and opened his mouth slightly...

he started to sing.. a song.. some heartbreaking song i had never heard before.. likely a classic here- and if the bus was quiet before-- it was silent as his finished the last verse..

all i remember of the song were the last words to come out of his mouth.. he sang, 'la pobreza se lleva al corazon' (poverty is carried in the heart)..

as he walked past my seat with his hand out, i handed him a quarter and i thought how amazing it was to be back where i had learned something before (this time i am wearing jeans).. and how maybe i had forgotten some of the things i had learned... and maybe i was learning new things (in my jeans)..

and i thought.. 'it's nice to be back in a place that i have not forgotten-- and to see that it has not forgotten me'..

and i thought.. i really hope i can help..
(what i see out the bus window sometimes)

never have i ever....

stayed in a hotel room by myself..

never have i ever-- eaten a bacon cheese burger in a two bedroom, holiday inn hotel room that I am staying in alone in Huston, Texas on my way to el salvador while blogging and watching Morrissey on late night with jimmy fallon.. (breath)

Never, that is, until TONIGHT!

i am going to eat this cheeseburger on this bed- then i am going to sleep on the other bed.. why? because i CAN!

I am also going to enjoy a nice long shower with hot water because it will probably be the last shower with warm water for the next 4 months.

I guess the giant weather issue that caused us to be unable to land in Huston in time to fly to el salvador today was meant to be. i am willing to look at the silver lining here..

(ps. i wish texas were more like friday night lights)

what a life i live in the spring

It's 5 days... monday morning.. monday morning.. I get out of this country.. what i life i live in the spring... (these two songs are on constant rotation)

When i Get To The Border (ft. Zooey Deschanel) - M. Ward


This film i lovely....

Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

listless list...

this is me, making up for some miss placed time--

1. a ceramic/mix media self portrait:

2. a lil game of where's waldo. (watch and see how many times you can spot a familiar face):
Greenlight Reel from Greenlight Films on Vimeo.

3. 6 Days till El Salvador !!!!! & !!!!! & more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Easter!:

5. How one flower delivery boy successfully made monday morning better:

and finally

6. Track One of the official Summer Soundtrack: (special thanks to b.b. and the zip car and the golden gate bridge..)

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa - Hot Chip & Peter Gabriel