Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Yaz is the ultimate

I don't know if i have ever had this much fun reading a biography-type book or if I have ever felt more like I could be friends with a writer of the book, as I have the past while with this book. I wish I could hang out with Rob Sheffield all day long.. I keep writing, "yes, yes yes!" in the margins of the book! But I didnt actually fall in love with him, until this:

"Everytime I have a crush on a woman, I have the same fantasy: I imagine the two of us in a synth-pop duo. The girl up front swishing her skirt, tossing her hair, a saucy little firecracker. I'm the boy in the back, hidden by my Roland JP8000 keyboard...She moves the crowd while I lurk in the shaddows, lavishing all my computer blue love on her... I am always fueled by synth pop fantasies."

Now the best part, "The boy-girl synthpop duo is my favorite band lineup. Yaz were the ultimate"

YES! YES! YES! I could have died!

And so, to all of you who have recieved endless emily mixs with different Yaz songs on them, and those of you who were present in Gallo's class when I chose "Too Peices" as my personal theme song, and my brother who started the Yaz love affair, and also to Rob for making me feel a little less nerdy for having all of their albums, including the greatest hits and remixes.. this is for you...

Oh, and Rob, I have synth pop fantasies too.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

old, shmold....

Martha Graham.

She practically invented modern dance. She was incredable. In fact some say she invented, “a new language of movement.” You can read all about the crazy amazing crap she did on wikipedia, if you fancy.. but the part that I personally love the most, is that she didnt start dancing till she was 16. Dancers know that if you want to “make it” as a dancer, you better start learning as soon as you can walk! But Martha didnt. She started when she was 16, and really, that’s just way too old to start if you want to make it as a professional dancer.. I think about this everytime I feel too old to accomplish something.

Here are a few things that some might say that I am “too old” to do:
*to make a career as an actress
*to be in a rock band (learn to really play the guitar and/or piano)
*to train my voice
*to learn a third language
*to eat dessert first
*to change
*to fall in love (in that young, passionate, all consuming, fluttery way)

I say no! I refuse to be too old to do things I want to do, ever. Thats it and that’s final.

Lastly, here is something wicked awesome that Martha G said one time:

'"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others"'

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I broke into the clear

A connection made today in my mind sometime between one and two in the afternoon. Mostly about life... and stuff.

Invitation: "Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience, the race that is set before us...looking unto the author and finisher of out faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured... Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees. And make straight the paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way, but let it rather be healed." (Chap. 12)

Previous approach: After making two circuits of the walk every trace of energy was, as usual, completely used up, and as I drove myself on all my scattered aches found their usual way to a profound seat of pain in my side. My lungs, as usual were fed up with all this work, and from now on would only go rackingly through the motions. My knees were boneless again, ready any minute to let my lower legs telescope up into the thighs. My head felt as though different sections of the cranium were grinding into each other."

Today's approach: "Then, for no reason at all, I felt magnificent. It was as though my [body] until that instant had simply been lazy, as though the aches and exhaustion were all imagined, created from nothing in order to keep me from truly exerting myself. Now my [body] seemed to at last say, "Well, if you must have it, here!" and an accession of strength came flooding through me. Buoyed up, I forgot my usual feeling of routine self-pity when working out, I lost myself,-all entanglements were shed, I broke into the clear."
(Chap. 8)

Hope it stays clear.

(Thoughts that were connected today were brought to you in part by: Paul, his letters to the Hebrews and by John Knowles, his novel, A Separate Peace)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Life is a mixtape.. or cd.

I've said it once, I'll say it 10,000 times; mix cd's tell my life's story. Finding an old mix that I have made for myself or someone else is always like time traveling. People say that smells are the most efficient in calling back memories, but for me, it's usually songs. That's why the book I am reading is so interesting. It's nice to find out there are other people, like that. In honor of Mr. Sheffield's novel, I decided to share an old mix that I found on the drive home for Christmas. I was laughing my head off in the car as I listened to it. It is embarrassing but it IS, in every single way the fall of 2002. The context inside these songs, and why I put them on this cd, I can remember perfectly. Here we go. And the mix is called,
"I must have made you up in my head."

1. No, Not Now -Hot Hot Heat (told you, embarrassing. I loved this song)

2. All My Life - The Foo Fighters

3. The Old Headboard -Rasputina (what happened to this band? Chicks playing chellos.. so awesome, they were ahead of their time. This song is where the title of the cd comes from)

4. Roulette Dares (the hunt of)- The Mars Volta (still love the title)

5. Lullaby -Pedro the Lion

6. Lady Picture Show -Stone Temple Pilots ("she hides because...")

7. The More You Ignore Me -Morrissey (hahahahaha!)

8. Kate -Ben Folds Five (this was because of someone)

9. Catch- The Cure (still a favorite)

10. Come Pick Me Up -Ryan Adams (it starts)

11. When the Stars Go Blue -Ryan Adams

12. Memories of You -Ryan Adams

13. Harder Now That It's Over - Ryan Adams (Its clear that i made this for myself, because I would never repeat an artist on a mix for anyone else. I couldn't get enough)

14. Sleep the Clocks -Belle and Sebastian

15. The State That I Am In -Belle and Sebastian

16. Like Dylan in the Movies -Belle and Sebastian (twice on one cd!)

17. Hated for Loving- Morrissey (3 times!)

18. You Cant Take Anything With You -VAST

19. Second Bus Home -Casket Lottery (I think this was the title. I totally forgot about this song and I no longer have it anywhere else in my music collection, but it is truly great and perfect for the time)

So there it is. 19 tracks and my life in fall of 2002. I think it is pretty clear what I was really into at that time. Ah, life. It is a mix tape.

Monday, January 7, 2008

first day of school

I sliped in the snow as my ipod shuffled to "steady as she goes." Little ironies, and I smile.

I know that I am silly and western becuase in my Zen Eastern Theater class, the professor asked us to call him "Sensei" and this is the first image that came into my mind.

First homework assignment: Be aware of the aliveness of space.

School is pretty much awesome.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Drive.. a short story, kind of.

She was driving slow. which she didn't ushually do. Espically not on this drive. She was aware that the roads were clearing up, but she could still feel the snow out there, on the sides of the road in piles.

Made her nervous.

Coming up over the hill near cedar city, she was thinking pretty petty thoughts about petty things.

The squeaking of the back window and how much it annoyed her.
The money she didn't have but kept spending.
The ever growing number on the scale.
Potentially awkward situations that might arise in the next two weeks and
how she always said or did the wrong things..
she had stopped singing along to the music about an hour ago. In fact, she had no idea why but at that moment, she reached up and turned the music down. Not off, but down. Just as she did this she began to fish tail. She looked down. 35 mph. She was going to be okay? She eased on the break ever so gently.. she kept sliding. The truck in the next lane sped up and passed her, she continued to slide. Her grip tightened around the wheel but she didn't panic (very unlike her). The car started to spin as if someone picked it up by the back wheels and was turning it around. She was no longer in control. Before she knew it, she was facing the direction she was coming from just a moment ago. Heart pounding. There were no cars around. A miracle? Her shaking hand reached down and put the car in reverse, she turned slowly and drove south once again. Cars fell back in lines behind her. They didn't even know what just happened to her. No one did. She was shaking. She was no longer thinking about petty things..

Later that day, when she held her newest baby nephew for the first time, and kissed his tiny fingers, she was glad she was there.

Later that week when she sat eating pizza with the people she loved the most in the world, she was glad she was there.

Later still as she listened to music the the smokey bar and danced her little shoes off with some of her oldest and closest friends, she was glad she was there..

There were lots of things she was glad she was there for.

And as the year changed from 2007 into 2008 she remembered, '8 is my lucky number. I am lucky. I am happy.'

2008 is going to be great.