dear 2010

1998 called

girl beind me in line at 711: "hey, i love your headband!"

me, "thanks, i made it, actually"

girl beind me in line at 711: "you go girl!"


awesome.

on actors: (for better or worse)
"we traffic in awe and metaphors and are impatient with the ordinary and the expected. we fight inertia of silence and talk too loud in polite locations and there is no Ritalin for us. we don't succumb to psychoanalysis and the voodoo of easy answers. we thrive on complexity and ask that our monsters truly terrify us, that our lovers truly slay us with their passion, that our magicians truly make something out of nothing and hand it to us with smoke and a rakish smile. we seek connections with the strange and Communion with the brave souls seeking the truth- not the entire truth, but a piece of it will do- a coin of truth we can keep in a pocket near our valuables, that we can spend in those frightening moments when we don't know ourselves, when we're in too deep and some clarity would help, some beauty that could redeem and enliven the night. we turn awful experience and bad relationships and murdering office jobs and loveless parents and poverty and addictions and angst and loss and death itself into the fearsome gold of art. we are alchemists and con artists, acrobats and used car salesmen, liars and en lighteners, and we are here to do the earth's bidding because the earth is screaming out it stories and begging for us to write them down, and act them out, and draw her pretty pictures on the face of the clouds."
-Jose Rivera

Okay-
i'll admit it. i get really frustrated and upset that as soon as i tell anyone that i am finishing my degree in acting the first thing that comes out of their mouth is, 'oh, so you could teach that right?"

But, for as frustrating as that question is- and for how much i hate the implication that acting is an impossible career and i am hopeless at it- i must say that i do love teaching. i am afraid to admit this because maybe it means that's all i will ever be good at. But this past semester, i have especially loved teaching, because i had such interesting/incredible/energetic/talented students. They were the greatest reminder to me of how to have fun and still be hard working and excited about what you do. Every day i learned something from them and it was incredible to watch them grow and discover things about themselves and what they do... sometimes the chemistry in a class is just spot on. these guys were right on the button. thanks for the great times, kidos. i will miss you wonderfully.

unintentional angel

this is an unintentional snow angel..

from my unintentional face dive into the snow on Sunday..

winter: 1

emily: 0

(only pride injured. thank you for concerns)

Yes, please.

hard to be

A nice heart... and a white suit.. and a baby blue sedan

And I'm doing the best that I can...

And it's hard to be human being
And it's harder as anything else
And I'm lonesome when you're aroud
And I'm never lonesome when I'm by myself
And I miss you when you're around...

-Modest Mouse

Autumn Day

Lord: it is time. The summer was immense.

Lay your shadow on the sundials

and let loose the wind in the fields.

Bid the last fruits to be full;

give them another two more southerly days,

press them to ripeness, and chase

the last sweetness into the heavy wine.

Whoever has no house now will not build one

anymore.

Whoever is alone now will remain so for a long

time,

will stay up, read, write long letters,

and wander the avenues, up and down,

restlessly, while the leaves are blowing.

Rainer Maria Rilke

nobody remembers notices

Just a little review love for stage door:
(in case you are interested)

delighted person

ohhhh sufjan.. what an amazing show! i will always remember nov. 1st and kingsbury hall with you..

bless your impossible soul.

ultimate hipster

Honestly! Has anyone ever been more hip than my dad!?!? I mean, seriously! Just look at this guy! He could give every guy in Provo some tips on hip-dom.

9th grade in Germany:
on his mission in Norway:

He's coming on Saturday!! Cant wait!!

happy halloween

fall + the dinner hour

stage door

Our share of night to bear,
Our share of morning,
Our blank in bliss to fill,
Our blank in scorning.

Here a star, and there a star,
Some lose their way.
Here a mist, and ther a mist,
Afterwards---day!

-emily dickinson

Jessica Wilson- i will always cherish my memories of you.
You will be missed. You are missed already.

the shrew

So.. people ask me all the time what my "dream roles" are.. and i do kind of have a list.. One of the roles that has been on the list since I was just a little-thing is Katherine, or Kate (or THE SHREW) in Taming of the Shrew. However, as I got older, I realized that I really don't feel that I am a very fantastic classical actress. I mean, Shakespeare is hard, right? So, I guess the theatre gods were looking out for me and I found myself in an adapted , shortened version of Taming of Shrew for young audiences- playing one of my "dreams roles".

I must say, that if i were in 3rd-6th grade, I would eat this show up! It's set in a circus, it has crazy costumes, lots of instruments, sound effects, props- crazy things are always going on, and it's just funny.

We started the tour and the run on campus last week, and, while its been one of the craziest and taxing experiences of my life- it's also kind of been one of the most fun and exciting. It's so nice to have kids around to remind you not to take anything too seriously, even your "art". I mean, kids love this silly show and it makes me love it. For a lot of them, it's the first play they have ever seen! And, silly as it sounds, i like that i get to be a part of that.

So- there's my sentimental berb on the show- Please come and see it! Bring any and all small children that you know. I promise a good time. thankyouverymuch.

(we had our final dress rehearsal in a back yard- since we are a traveling show we can go anywhere- it was pretty great_

because i miss rachie poop

don't leave my hyper heart alone

"As far back as I can reach with my memory, I dreamed about oranges, which were my ideal fruits and source of good things. Perhaps I was enchanted by them because they were scarce and expensive. In my youth they were a symbol of weath, sucess and exquisite taste. The greatest experience was when I quartered a naked orange. On each quarter I would see the faces of actors from the past.. And if they were very famous, I thought they would have baskets and baskets of these fruits.. Oranges became more and more a part of my secret life. I decided to have at least one every day. Each time I went out I would carry an orange in my pocket, touching it from time to time for assurance. This talisman gave me strengh to live and the feeling that someday I would be famous and have hundreds and thousands of oranges" -Greta Garbo

Right now, i need oranges in both my pockets.

today was a...

good day: slept in til 10- bagel breakfast date complete with honey almond shmeer and laughter- talked for more than an hour to a dear friend i have had since the second grade, who is now long distance-went to DEER CREEK swam/floated/skipped rocks/relished summer - in n out grill cheese and fries- found a biography and a video bio of Greta Garbo at the orem library- had roommate goodbye/"birthday" dinner for rachel, delicious bread and pasta- entertaining music show/after party with fun(ny) people that i like all over the place!

bad day: slept in til 10- didn't juggle- got a flat tire on the way home from target- got told not to stand on the "furniture" at Velour during the Kira's band's set and felt a lot like 3 year old who just got scolded, lump in my throat and all- lost my cell phone, searched all over, then found it in the fridge on top of my pasta leftovers (latter half could be listed above)- feeling tired turned into feeling sick.. that cold i've been fighting looks like it's gonna win afterall- started saying goodbye for reals to roommate/provo bff rachel, gone for three whole months..

good day wins.

beirutiful

Okay. okay. i am sure everyone on the internet is ready for me to shut up about Beriut already. I promise that I'm almost done. I will just say once more for the record.. really amazing. better than i expected, even. i loved being close enough to see Zach's cute little trumpet tatoo on his wrist. i loved that they played 'elephant gun' while the sun was setting' and 'a sunday smile' after it got dark... i loved that they played east harlem! i loved that zach messed up a little bit and that his 'head was in the clouds' for the penalty'... etc.etc.etc.

And! great night made even greater because i got to see really good friends i hadn't seen in a long time, and still more really great friends that i have seen but i just really like.

Sorry i didn't catch all of this song. i didn't want to be so busy capturing the moment that i missed it, you know?

i go here.

i think every byu kid in the world is posting this to their blog right now..

so i am going to too. i dont want to get kicked out or anything.

i was in this library today! well, i walked passed it anyway.

old news

On my little vacation home, i got into a discussion about this scene that i directed last semester. it was my final in my first directing class. i've been back and forth about posting it anywhere. but i decided.. why not?

i wrote and directed this little scene based on a section from the novel The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. I was really intrigued by Alma's description how her mother "never fell out of love with her father" who had passed away... and that in order to keep this love.. or "in order to hold on to a certain feeling, she sacrificed the world" (latter part = the title of the scene)

The actors in the scene are three friends from the class. the song is a bowie cover by m. ward.
it's a little try hard, maybe a little silly as well, but my first directing experience! cut.me.a.break.okay?



**things that don't read well in the video. Dalton (in the back) is hanging on a hanger.. Also: Next to the record player is a telephone.. Darick (the other guy) follows the phone chord into the room. She picks the phone up as he enters.. hangs it up as he leaves..**

Oh thank heaven.

Hurray for the birthday party yesterday! Thanks to all guests!

Pizza is my favorite.

Roller Skating to TLC and Salt n' Pepa = the most!

And was that ice cream cake gooooood, or what??

It's my actual birthday today (7/11)

I decided that I am going to try to hit as many 7-11 stores between here and Las Vegas as I can. This will be the ultimate free slurpee day.

Wish me luck!

Hope I don't go into sugar shock.

Why? Because I was born...

Please come on Saturday!! It's been a while since I have put on a party but i would love to celebrate the beginning of my twenty seventh year on earth with you, yeah you! So, we will skate from 7-9 @ classic skating in orem.. cake/all.kinds.of.fun.in.general. at my house after that. (333 N. University)

**side note: I will probably spend the morning at the farmers market and then biking around in search of sluprees and mischief.. if you'd like to join in on that as well.. then you are invited!**

summer!!

i love.love.love summer!
i love it when 4th of july weekend is 4 or 5 days long!
i love it when it is one week away from my birthday!

Just be yourself...

Well, which one?

Reviewwwwwed.

Reviews are a somewhat new thing to me.. It's kind of a crazy thing.

Utah Theater Bloggers pretty much see/reivew all the theatre in this valley. I had no idea they were going to review Much Ado about Nothing. But they did! And I was glad to see it was a nice review.

Here is the review! (if you're interested)

This was a lovely end to a really nice experience. I admire the passion of these young girls starting up their own little theatre company here in Provo. Go see their stuff. (Romeo and Juliet is going on later this summer and Checkov in the fall.

Lovely. Lovely.

band of beach boys

So, Rach made me a copy of the new Band of Horses album Infinite Arms.. and while the album had me at its title.. its one that i have been falling a little more in love with each time I listen to it.

The other day, I heard an interview with Ben Bridwell on NPR and they were comparing him with Neal Young and all kinds of other musicians... One musician they compared him to, that I had never heard him compared to before, was Brian Wilson.

Come to find out, in that same interview-- Band of Horses recorded part of their album in the old studio where the beach boys recorded pet sounds.. i think i can hear the ghost of beach boys past (and i think i love it)

here is the evidence:
band of horses:
On my way back home- infinite arms

the beach boys:
sloop john b-- pet sounds

Summer means Shakespeare

(You should come and see this, maybe. I'm playing Hero...
and also, it's free)

if the bee does not sting...

In the back of Breakfast at Tiffany's there are three short stories by Truman Capote.

The first one is called House of Flowers... and tonight after a drive home with the windows down and the heater on, i read it-- all stretched out on my yellow couch next to the window.

True to form, Capote wrote an incredibly interesting and haunting story that totally takes you away to a different place. And also true to form, he employs some of the very best names in the story- including the main character whose name is Ottilie (isn't that the greatest?)

This is a little clip of Capote himself reading a tiny bit of the story.
Listen to it, then read the rest of the story.

August 3rd

Well, hello.

The New Yorker Fiction Podcast... lovely.

It's just been right there in the itunes store all along!

jumpology

Evidently the simple act of getting off the ground requires giving in to something like joy. You have to let go.
“When you ask a person to jump, his attention is mostly directed toward the act of jumping, and the mask falls, so that the real person appears.” -Phillippe Halsman

*Britannie sent me the link to this lovely NY Times article about the photographer Phillippe Halsman. It brightened my day.. so I thought it might brighten yours as well... (all 4 of you who read my blog).

The Book Thief

Just 6 (of the many) sentences that I adored.. from the book i finished today:

1- "It was a Monday, and they walked on a tightrope to the sun."

2- "His voice was close to noiseless, but his eyes were louder than ever."

3- "Again,the human child. So much cannier."

4- "The kitchen cupboards were the shape of guilt, and his palms were oily with the memory of what he'd done."

5- "She was suddenly aware of how empty her feet felt inside her shoes"

6-"Rain like gray pencil shavings."

sometimes we all get a little

helpless.helpless.helpless.

Take Care

One of my favorite people in the world is getting married on Saturday!!

I met Emily Clifford a couple of years ago when I moved up to SLC and lived in the Avenues. She remains one of my favorite people on earth! Talking with her, or just being around her is always just so stress free and fun. She is one of those friends that you are just always so happy to have because they are so easy and fun to be friends with.

Another great thing about Emily, is that she is really creative and has great ideas. She approached me a couple of weeks ago to make her some aprons for the two server girls who will be helping out with drinks and things at the wedding reception. I have to say that I had the most fun looking around for fabrics in her colors and deciding what to make. It felt really fun to be in on a part of the wedding plans.

When all was said and done- there were two aprons in Heather Bailey fabric and I made some little earrings to go along with them. Emily was kind enough to snap some cute pictures of them.

Emily had the great idea to market these custom apron sets or bundles to Brides as Brides' Maids gifts! I am going to see what I can do about making that happen because I would love to have this much fun more often.

mom spelled backwards, is still mom

Just a few favorite memories of my mom:
-she sat on the floor next to our bunk beds and read us
(The Box Car Children, To Kill a Mockingbird etc)
-on nights when she didn't read, she would sing to us
-she home made play dough-- she let me add the food coloring
-when i was sick, she wrapped me up in my blanket and rocked me
-she sewed us Easter dresses

Just a few favorite things about my mom:
-when she laughs really hard her nose gets cherry colored
-she always smells like perfume. (obsession)
-she loves john Denver

My mom is humility and charity and love. She is the best.

Man! I really love my mom.

**oh, and seeing my sisters become moms.. equally incredible!**

emily plath golightly

I like it when you see a stranger and you get to catch a little glimpse into their life and what it might be like. The other day, at work, an adorable man walked up pushing a baby stroller and holding a Down East Outfitters bag in his hand. It was just him there, buying his food, and yet-- in this man, standing there by himself, I could see the other people he was connected to. i caught a glimpse of what fatherhood meant to him and what his relationship with his baby girl might be like just be looking at the pink stroller he was pushing with a tinge of pride in his eyes. I caught a glimpse of his wife in the shopping bag he held that possibly contained the dress that he was going to surprise her with that night or the dress she asked him to pick up for her, or hold after she purchased it. His life seemed really nice in that glimpse. One man. Three people. A little glimpse of what his whole world might be like. i wonder what people catch a glimpse of when I walk up to counters...

"I saw myself sitting at the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, the plopped to the ground at my feet.."

"'What about me?' she said whispered and shivered again. 'I'm very scared, Buster. Yes, at last. Because it could go on forever. Not knowing what's yours until you've thrown it away. The mean reds, their nothing. The fat woman, she's nothing, this, though... '"



excerpts taken from my notebook... the bell jar.. and breakfast at tiffany's (novel)

i feel a little strange

i'm excited about this

i promise to try

so. i was thinking.
this week.

when i need to open my computer to work on things. i am going to open it- and work on those things. and when i am done working on those things, i am going to close my computer.

when i do not need to open my computer for any reason, but i just kind of feel like opening it... i am going to open a book instead...

(books are the new boyfriends, after all.)

almost love stories

Single & Looking: Almost Love Stories

This lil' play opens tonight and runs through Saturday! It's just $5.00 at BYU in the Margettes Theatre.
Matthew Greene wrote this play. You might remember him, he also wrote Selfless: A Marathon Dance in 2 Acts (aka. They Shoot Horses, Don't They?) that we did at the beginning of the semester. He really good at what he does... play writing... and he is graduating, so you should come see this last piece of his here in Provo before he runs off to become famous.

Come and see it. I am sure you will laugh.

And speaking of almost love stories, I really love this:

good surprises

Sometimes it's just Thursday.. blah Thursday. (like last Thursday, for example)

And then, suddenly, your brother sends you a text message saying he is IN UTAH with his wife and little boy..
and then, BLAMO! you get to go spend a couple of lovely hours at ikea with your favorite brother and sister in law.. and also this adorable face:

And Thursday is better.
Grey is graduating to a big boy bed now...

i wonder when I will graduate to the big girl bed? (Twin beds are lame)

easter

Hope is the thing with feathers,
that perches in the soul
and sings the tune, without words
and never stops at all.
-emily dickenson

And what is it that ye shall hope for?
Behold I say unto you that ye shall
have hope through the atonement of
Christ and the power of his resurrection,
to be raised unto life eternal, and this
because of your faith in him according
to the promise..

Wherefore, there must needs be faith;
and if there must be faith there must
also be hope; and if there must be hope
there must also be charity.
-Moroni 7:41/Moroni 10:20

faith. hope. charity (which is love).

Happy Easter!

thanks.a.lot.

this wasn't exactly what i was expecting from panda express after finishinig my meal and cookie...

i get it universe! it's time to start a spring/summer work out program! you don't have to be rude about it!

(it's probably also time to stop eating at panda express)

with pleasure

it warms up and i crave folksy female voices..
and poetic lyrics, like this:

I’ll rent a house somewhere
I’ll listen to Biosphere
and all I see there
a straight line in the atmosphere
every hour will be longer
and I’ll linger with pleasure
the only visitor I will invite
is the whispering wind or the sunlight
I’ll leave all disturbants at home
the evening papers and the telephone
but I’ll bring my memories
despite everything
I hope life will miss me
maybe this is wishful thinking
and maybe I’ll just keep on sinking
but sometimes it’s enough to know
that there is a place where everything is on hold
where the hours will be longer
and I’ll linger with pleasure
-ane brun (listen here)

first day of spring

kindred spirit n -a person who shares beliefs, attitudes, feelings, or features with another; also called kindred soul.

Happy Birthday, kindred soul..
from on coast to the other.. i hope i see you soon.

books are the new boyfriends pt. 2

"We're only really thinking when we can't think out fully what we're thinking about!" -Goethe

"Life in its paradox is a balance between boredom and anxiety-- growth and stability... Only when we are challenged, do we muster additional energy and focus. To obtain maximum meaning, we must be stimulated by challenge, but not overcome by anxiety. Challenge is good until it is perverted by isolating it from meaning... The problem with life and art is that means become confused with ends. Technique becomes more important than the meaning of the image.. The how of living becomes more important than the why of living.."

-Grant L. Lund

-so, at least i know that i am "really thinking"

if you have time to read the whole lecture "What Makes a Good Image? What Makes a Good Life?" by Grant L. Lund, I would highly recommend it. Especially if you are involved, on any scale, with art. It's really enlightening.

Critical Thinking.

Welp, here are two local reviews of Blood Wedding.

The Deseret News was very kind to me, personally.

UTBA was kind to the show.

It's interesting being reviewed... I think I like it.. even when it's a little harsh.

Both of these reviewers attended the show on our FIRST PREVIEW night. Yikes!!

None of us were expecting that.

Se la vie. Come and see the show and then write your own review, okay?

the bridge of san luis rey (finished)

".. and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

One of the loveliest books ever. Highly recommended.

the mother of invention

One:

Two:

SKIRT!

from the floorboards to the flies

some production shots:

the sound of the unlocking and the lift away...

there is something about having a good cry in front of 165 people

followed by a cup of mint chocolate hot chocolate (watching it snow)

listening to some ((home)) music with your best-roommate-friend

and climbing into a bed with just-washed sheets, in a clean room that feels like ((home))

cozy, is the word?
content is the word?

happy is the word. i feel happy.

fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa

i hate people when they're not polite.

the bridge of san luis rey

Pepita frowned, hunting for a word that would close the matter.

It wasn't... it wasn't... brave," she said. And then she would say no more. She carried the letter off into her own room and could be heard tearing it up. Then she got into bed and lay staring into the darkness... And Dona Maria sat down to her dish amazed. She had never brought courage to either life or love. Her eyes ransacked her heart.. Tomorrow I begin a new life.. At last she cleared away the table and sitting down wrote what she called her first letter, her first stumbling misspelled letter in courage... "Let me live now," she whispered.

exit music

Tonight is the night!

First previews for Blood Wedding are tonight and tomorrow.
(offically opening is Friday)


WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
(i like these rehersal photos in rehearsal clothes more than i like the publicity photos!)

the dog days are over

so, containers. i have to fight myself not to hoard them. i stew over every oatmeal sphere and cereal box before forcing myself to throw them away.. all the while searching for how i might justify saving them. shoe boxes, orange juice bottles.. everything. i always think i am going to use them for something clever and creative... i am going to be so glad i kept them. (this is rarely the outcome when i do save them.)

these are just a few of the containers i have justified holding on to.. they are currently taking up space in my bedroom.

i actually believe there is some incite into my personality here. i'm a holder. i hold on to everything. things from 2 months ago, things from 2 years ago.. it's what you might call a "suitcase heart" (if you wanted to talk about it lyrically)

The weepies suggest "letting the whole thing go." Florence and the Machine says "you cant carry it with you if you want to survive." And gee wiz, other people are so good at this!!.. so good at letting things go- at forgetting- at throwing it away when it's empty.

i admire this. i make it my new ambition.

i am closing the suitcase!

AND here is the anthem of the new revolution! RUN FAST!

how i love that girl.

Rachel! Rachel! Rachel!
I hope that on your birthday these pictures are worth the thousands of words that I should say about you! You are the gr8est friend. And the gr8est person. i am sure that this year will be GRRRRRRR 8! (28)








ps. this better win me more points than Alex ;)

i change shapes

also: all i wanna do lately is play the drums..

my new philosophy

on life!!!
(la la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la!)



thank you very much (todd hailstone)

if the walls of the room could talk, i wonder to myself would they laugh?

all the umbrellas in london

today: the umbrellas of cherbourg !!!!!!

i just loved watching this. it made me want to go to france, to ride a bike, to sing, to have 100 umbrellas.. etc.

also: leona, i like figuring out how to play your songs..(gotta have patience for this one, the song starts about 1:45 into the video)