wrap me in your marrow- stuff me in your bones-sing a mending moan-- a song to bring me home...

sometimes you are where you were
and it feels the same and also it feels different.

a couple of days ago i was sitting on a rickety old bus- on my way back to where we are staying. no one was sitting next to me on the bus- there were other passengers, but we were all spread out... i pulled out a book- a really great book that intrigues me and makes me think.. but i couldn't read it. i didn't want to look down, i wanted to look out -the window. this place is so green. i remembered, but i almost forgot how green...

as we bumped along and i stared out the window, untouched book in lap, an older man boarded the bus.. he did not pay the quarter to ride and i assumed that very soon he would start either a religious "bus sermon" or he was going to start selling something-- because that is what almost always happens on the bus..

but this old man, in his wrinkly tan colored pants and dark shirt just stood and the front of the bus. He took his blue hat (not a baseball cap. a hat) he took it off his head and scrunched it up in the fists of both of his hands and held it directly in front of his chest. I noticed then that he was even older than i first thought.. he was probably in his 60's. He slowly closed his eyes and he held them shut tightly so there were little lines all round them... his round face looked even more round as he held his eyes closed and opened his mouth slightly...

he started to sing.. a song.. some heartbreaking song i had never heard before.. likely a classic here- and if the bus was quiet before-- it was silent as his finished the last verse..

all i remember of the song were the last words to come out of his mouth.. he sang, 'la pobreza se lleva al corazon' (poverty is carried in the heart)..

as he walked past my seat with his hand out, i handed him a quarter and i thought how amazing it was to be back where i had learned something before (this time i am wearing jeans).. and how maybe i had forgotten some of the things i had learned... and maybe i was learning new things (in my jeans)..

and i thought.. 'it's nice to be back in a place that i have not forgotten-- and to see that it has not forgotten me'..

and i thought.. i really hope i can help..
(what i see out the bus window sometimes)

never have i ever....

stayed in a hotel room by myself..

never have i ever-- eaten a bacon cheese burger in a two bedroom, holiday inn hotel room that I am staying in alone in Huston, Texas on my way to el salvador while blogging and watching Morrissey on late night with jimmy fallon.. (breath)

Never, that is, until TONIGHT!

i am going to eat this cheeseburger on this bed- then i am going to sleep on the other bed.. why? because i CAN!

I am also going to enjoy a nice long shower with hot water because it will probably be the last shower with warm water for the next 4 months.

I guess the giant weather issue that caused us to be unable to land in Huston in time to fly to el salvador today was meant to be. i am willing to look at the silver lining here..

(ps. i wish texas were more like friday night lights)

what a life i live in the spring

It's 5 days... monday morning.. monday morning.. I get out of this country.. what i life i live in the spring... (these two songs are on constant rotation)

When i Get To The Border (ft. Zooey Deschanel) - M. Ward


This film i lovely....

Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

listless list...

this is me, making up for some miss placed time--

1. a ceramic/mix media self portrait:

2. a lil game of where's waldo. (watch and see how many times you can spot a familiar face):
Greenlight Reel from Greenlight Films on Vimeo.

3. 6 Days till El Salvador !!!!! & !!!!! & more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Easter!:

5. How one flower delivery boy successfully made monday morning better:

and finally

6. Track One of the official Summer Soundtrack: (special thanks to b.b. and the zip car and the golden gate bridge..)

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa - Hot Chip & Peter Gabriel

Shameless Plug

So, ehhh.. if you have not yet read about it on facebook (or had me harass you in some other way) We are having a fund raiser for the HELP International El Salvador Team at Hot Dog on a Stick on Monday March 23rd from 4-7pm!

(this is my life right now, y'all.. hot dogs and international development! Mayyybee tiny bits of other stuff too- but really- this is mostly it..

So please come. Eat some hot dogs! Tell the nice girl that you are there for the fund raiser or grab a flyer at customer service when you walk in the mall. And we will get some money to help people in El Salvador. Then the people in El Salvador will be just as happy as this guy:Also, if you cant make it on Monday for whatever reason but you still want to HELP (internationally). Please feel free to donate whatever you can on line at http://www.help-international.org/donors/donate-now.html

100% of this money is for projects we will do this summer.. and man, we have some really awesome projects we are hoping to do.

Hope this shameless plug wasn't too too shameless. You will all still read my blog right?

i was meant for the stage

This evening i was talking to my sister about Coraline (which everyone should see- it's really great) and we got talking about the footlights in the theater in that movie.. which led us to a discussion about Somewhere in Time (footlights in that theater).

Maybe some of you haven't seen this brilliant classic starring Jane Seymour and Christopher Reves, and that's a real shame. I kind of wish i were exaggerating when i say that this movie, specifically this scene, was probably ehhhhhh 75-80% of why i wanted so badly to become an actress when i was just a little thing. I watched this movie with said sister, probably one zillion times!



mindy also reminded me that jane seymour was in the film of The Scarlet Pimpernel (another way over watched with sister movie) and she plays an actress again! Man, jane-- you are kind of my inspiration??

(yikes)

you have to marry me, Howard!

So- in the 7th grade I had a mad crush on this boy who wrote poems inside of a sketchbook, had long bleached blond hair and wore Marlyn Manson T-Shirts to school... that lasted years. I moved away and we wrote letters back and forth (we never got into email-- we kept it old school)...

I thought I might never have a crush like that again until the day I set foot on campus at the Las Vegas Academy. It was there that I met Matt Goubler. Oh Matt Goubler, Matt walk around campus with your hands in your pockets, always looking amazingly mysterious/charming/adorable Goubler.. Matt Goubler was my Jordan Catelano..

He actually ushered me into my audition for the Academy and through all the parts of my audition. I wrote pages and pages about that in my journal. That year he also played Howard in Picnic at LVA-- and that hat made me love him even more.. The cover to the program (yes i still remember) said, "what can you do with the love that you feel?" Coincidence? I think not! The character who plays opposite him begs him to marry her sayin, 'you have to marry me Howard.' And I would repeat that with Tonopah and other girlfriends whenever I thought about Matt Goubler..

Most crushes just disappear, like Mr. 7th grade-- but some of them, like Matt turn into famous actor or model or artists

You may have seen my first high school crush in Life Aquatic (the intern) or maybe one of 60 something episodes of criminal minds.. maybe modeling for Marc Jacobs or Louis Vuitton... or maybe you have seen him in one of these collages that some 16 year old girl probably posted on the internet..


Oh the ones that get away...
(he didn't even know my name- but i am sure we were meant to be)



side note: Mr. 7th grade is a major scene-ster in SLC. He works at the Urban Lounge. I see him all the time. Life's awful funny.