"All Great and Precious Things are Loney"

Here are a few late night truths for a forgotten blog
(forgive the melancholy tone)
This is a mean reds day

 #1- 10:30pm has become late night for me

 #2-i miss being an actor. i am supposed to be helping people, but i feel pretty far away from that right now. Right now, everything just feels hard. And my body feels so tired. So hard.. and  So tired. all the time. (Heavy)

 #3-this blog post title is the name of a private blog i set up months ago. i set it up to have a place to put new things i have written.. poems and stories. it's empty. not one entry. lonely indeed. all my creative projects are lonely these days.

#4-i cant do it all.. even though i really want to. (see previous blog post)

#5- everyone else makes it look like it should be easy.

zoobeezoobeezoo

a couple of things i would like to improve on: (in no particular order) making dinner every night developing talents (writing, sewing, drawing, acting etc) making things with my hands more often sending things in the mail making sure the people i love know that i love them (show them more) looking good everyday-- get up early enough to actually get ready for the day reading more (read things every day) doing the dishes everyday. taking risks/doing things that scare me traveling being present writing things down (journal form, or variations) praying walking (more) /biking (more) /being outside (more) organizing.. completing things on time and/or early saving money and lastly personal confidence level ie. level of comfort in my own skin (where did this go?.. it starting disappearing around 2006. i want it back) lalalalala.

if there's one thing i like it's a blue bathing suit

help me to make it

 on repeat.
 ((you know those days that for no particular reason you feel completely
dull,
flat,
boring
and about 1,000 years old?))

 today.


 ps. i can i just get to the outdoors already??

the nerd patrol

I came to a realization in college.. probably about 1/2 way though.. and the realization came as I was standing at the opening of an amazing art show in a gallery on the main floor of the fine arts building. As I looked around at all of the incredible art that was up on the walls, I thought about how much I admired the people who could create things like this.. and I looked around and realized a lot of the people I knew at this art opening were artists themselves and almost all of them created amazing things of their own. All of those people, so admirable in my mind were not just cool because of what they created, they were just genuinely cool people, dare I say "hip". Everyone was so hip and beautiful-looking and I am sure they also read the right books and listened to the right music and had all the right opinions about things. As I looked around, I realized something.. Theater (the art i do more than any other kind) is hopelessly UN-hip. It really is. Film can be pretty cool, theater-- not so much. A. Miller, T. Williams, A. Checkhov, just not that hip in the minds of the kids these days. Yet, as the embarrassing part of my personality that desperately seeks to be cool mourned the uncooldom of theatre, I also realized that night that it's kind of okay with me.. How nerdy it is and all.. and that's because, I just love it. I do. I love acting in plays. (I love acting in other things too). Last Sunday I wrapped up another nerdy play. A comedy by Noel Coward called Blithe Spirit. And as I sat back stage on the last night I tried to ponder how many hours of my life I had spend sitting on unfinished steps behind what, to my view, is just totally exposed wood slabs nailed, stapled and glued together to hold together what, to the audiences view, is a cozy little cottage in the English Countryside. How many times have I marked up a script, sat through a first reading or checked in a costume and I just have to say that I really love it (all of it). While the run of this show was incredibly dramatic (off stage) and- quite honestly, the finished product was only so-so, I still relished it. No matter what happens in my future, I know I will always relish it and if that makes me the un-hippest of them all, I think that I am learning to be okay with that.

i want to unfold

Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

one time, i was in college

(and all i did was text on my cell phone..)

2011 from Alex Shahan on Vimeo.