love, yes i said love... i am in it

Jens Lekman, will you marry me?

miss understanding

(sorry) I misunderstood...

But , then, i knew i would

i am miss understanding..

So,

If you want to stand away for all the right reasons

(or to stand with.... someone else)

It is okay, it is all right, and i...

i will

stand

under

miss

-ing you

Not comprehending, but understanding

(I understand)

i really do

i am miss understanding



*see also Miss Take*

the cast list

So, they always hold auditions on Fridays, so that they can do call backs on saturday mornings and then you know that they are not going to post a cast list until Monday. It's like Mindy says, it's so they can torment you! They don't need all that time to think about the cast, chances are they totally made up their minds the second that callbacks were over! They just relax all the rest of their weekend at the movies and dinner while you focus very hard all weekend on being way too busy to care if the list is up or not...

As you walk up the steps of the building Monday, you are talking nonstop to yourself inside your head. You tell yourself all the things you might need to hear. Like "it's good just to get called back, getting called back means that you are good. If you dont get cast, it's just because you maybe weren't right for the role... or maybe you reminded them of their niece who just crashed their new car.." As you get closer to the list your inner comments grow more intense, "you know, it would actually be better NOT to get cast, who has time for all that rehearsal right now?? Do I really want to move back into the theater??" ...

Then, you see it, a white piece of paper taped up, you get closer and your heart is in your throat... only that's not it.. its just an add for some summer internship and a list of the places you could go.. heart rate goes down a smidge..

You move on and THERE it is. THE CAST LIST... Your eyes skim for your name. You look but everything is blurry.. what are those symbols? Oh yeah, they are letters.. letters?? How do I spell my name again? Is it there? Is it there? Did I get it? .........................

You see it! Your name! Wait, surely not! Is that how I spell my name? E-M-I... YES! YES, that's me!!! Holy Crap! Now there is lots of shaking and desire to scream out loud... but you walk calmly to the bathroom, go into the stall, lock it and do a short but energized happy dance! (thank you, thank you, i needed this)

That's how it happens sometimes.. and sometimes, they just call you on the phone.. either way, It's nice to be cast sometimes...

Peter, James, John, Holden Caufeild and I....

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."

And Jesus said unto Simon, fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men. And when they had their ships to land, they forsook all and followed him.

By this shall men know ye are my disciples if ye have love one to another...

Charity: the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affecton.

Charity suffereth long and it kind and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things..

i have a ways to go yet...

Very Geriatric

Thursday Mornings en el templo. 5 hours of working with old, old people..

It is so rad i can hardly explain..

today an extremely old lady, with jet black dyed hair and very pink lipstick, told me (and I quote) " I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she proceeded, shortly after, to say that when you are her age you "get nervous to close your eyes and lay down for fear they will put a sheet over you" (they?)

she then proceeded to tell me how young and beautiful i was.

i freakin LOVE old people!

the reminder is reminding me...

i LOVE Feist..

"Intuition"

What gives what helps the intuition?
I know I'll know
I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although although

They can lead you
Break or defeat you

A destination known
Only by the one
Who's fate is overgrown
Piecemeal can break your home in half
A love is not complete with only heat

And they can tease you
Break or complete you

And it came a heat wave
A merciful save
You choose you chose
Poetry over prose
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
A map is more unreal than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important someone was
And what you might have missed out on
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him

Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I did I miss out on you?

"The Park"

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
It's not him who'd come across
The sea to surprise you
Not him who would know
Where in London to find you

With sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from the cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from present to past

The past
The past
Turns whole to half
The past

Why should he come back through the park?
You thought that you saw him but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you
From knowing the truth

Why would you think your boy could become
The man who could make you sure he was the one?

The one
My one
My one

*see also "I feel it all" and "my moon my man"