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There's no home like place...

spent the morning cleaning and unpacking.. it's the same apartment i was in all last year, but it still doesnt really have that "home" feeling/touch/smell/taste.. i was in vegas for the last 2 months and it was still hard to fall asleep in that bed, and in that room 'cause it didn't exactly feel like home.. half my heart resides in el salvador, but that's not exactly home either..

i think there are stages in life where you just live places, but are, in fact, homeless..

this morning i finished a most momentous book.. in it Brod explained that there were more than 600 kinds of sadness.. 600 sadnesses, if you will.. one of them, "the sadness of finishing a book".. so true

BUT i started and new book and its amazing, i started a new job and it seems fun, i got some new music and it's very gooooood. new things have a happiness all their own...

little contradicions...

"boy, i would like to lose 10 lbs. " i think to myself as the spoon scrapes the bottom...

job interviews...

suck

a paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox...

what is truth?

"truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were and as they are to come"

education week is blowing my mind.. just before i headed up to ed week, Rachel handed me a copy of a lecture by Eugene England.. (http://www.zionsbest.com/gospel.html) (I highly recommend that everyone read it! Go there, read it, now...)

Among many other things, England suggested in his discourse that when people refer to "the gospel" they are referring to "a perfect system of revealed doctrines and commandments based in principals which infallibly express the natural laws of the universe" He goes on to explain that the natural laws of the universe and even eternal gospel principals "appear to be fundamentally paradoxical." His point was that the church "provides the best context for struggling with, working through, enduring and being redeemed by our responses to those paradoxes and oppositions that give energy and meaning to the universe" (you simply MUST read the whole lecture...)

With all of those things in mind, today I attended a class on The Creation taught by a geologist.. it was insane! He quoted John Widtsoe who said, "scientific truth cannot be theological lie. To the sane mind, theology and philosophy must harmonize. They have common ground of truth on which to meet." He proceeded to explain that as a religious geologist he felt often like a person sitting in the middle of a fight between two sides, where he could see that both sides were actually right; but he couldn't explain to either side that they both were right! He then talked about the creation of the world from a completely scientific and religious perspective, and it was harmonious! The laws of the universe ARE paradoxical and yet, harmonious. He said that most serious and sincere scientists see it that way. The ancient Greeks realized that there was something bigger behind the creation, so they separated it into two things: the physical creation and "the mind" behind the physical creation. Einstein said that it was obvious to him that "something deeply hidden had to be beyond all things." This geologist talked about DNA. How "things which are SEEN (bodies etc) are actually made up of things which are not seen" and this is a testimony of the science of religion...

a paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox!

i cant sleep because all of these things are bouncing around in my brain!!

A.M. bike ride...

soo.. a few weeks ago Rachel and I went and bought new bikes.. i really, really, really like my new bike.. this morning i woke up at 7:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep.. most of the time, its too hot to ride a bike in Vegas in August, but not at 7:00 am! It was a good ride, even went through some sprinklers.. the ipod did well this morning also.. this is what came up on the shuffle:

first: heartbeats -jose gonzales (goooooood morning, i thought i was kind of tired of this song.. turns out, i'm not)
second: the trapeze swinger -iron and wine (almost cried)
third: the long list of girls -the blow
fourth: Everywhere -Fleetwood Mac (blast from the past)
fifth: Hallelujah -Rufus Wainright

and with Rufus I pulled back into the driveway.. it was a good morning...

poems, shmomes and garden gnomes...

Two works in progress and one incredibly awesome garden gnome... just, ya know, because...



i am miss take


miss take has no mystery, style or grace

having not one of her own she momentarily borrows my face.



it's not that i want the things that she takes

or that i want to be her, or to fix what she breaks



but i'll admit, at low points, she is more than my face

sometimes i become that regrettable miss take..



the more i forget who i really am


the more miss take takes over and gains power to stand



i want so badly for her to stay away from you


but beware that if you kiss me, you could kiss miss take too



the other night... i dont know exactly what was at stake,


but i felt i should say i'm sorry, it was my miss take..


Indecision
i think you should wed your indecision
she is the only one who gets your full and undivided attention

i feel it's unfair because i've been hurt and i am playing lame
i can only be picked last so many times before i'll give up the game

why don't you just wed pretty little indecision
heaven knows i cant hold your full attention...

Dear Avril

hey, so, eh....... 'member that one time when you got married?? why you singin 'bout bein' someone's girlfriend?

oh and did you really say, "she's like, so whatever??"

...

guilelessly,

em

crazy?

A while back i was hanging out at Mindy's house. Mindy and i were talking and we didn't realize that Ashton had managed to open the front door and make his way down the drive way. As an obedient little brother, Noah had followed Ashton and they were both playing around the car by the time a panicked Mindy found them in the front yard. She grabbed Aston's hand an immediately took him in the house and put him in "time out". When time out was over, Mindy (being the freakin awesome mom that she is) tried to talk to Ashton.. the conversation played out something like this...

Mindy- "Ashton, i want you to understand that i don't want you to go outside with out me or daddy there with you because it's dangerous"

Ashton- "why?"

Mindy- "Because outside there are cars and they drive fast and maybe they wont see you and they will hurt you."

Ashton- "why?"

Mindy- "When you go outside without us, Noah follows you and he could also get hurt. i love you and i don't want you to get hurt so absolutely no going outside with out me or daddy, okay?

Ashton: "why?"

Mindy- (getting slightly exasperated..) "Because if you go outside with out us, you will go in time out.."

Ashton- (let's it go for a minute and walks a little ways away and says quietly) "why?.."

The conversation is closed..

i think that at times there are a lot of things that may not make perfect sense in my brain, i like to ask 'why' a lot. i don't think that's bad, but i don't think that my personal knowledge and understanding is the end all be all either. i believe in God, maybe there are times that i have asked why and He has tried to explain, but i have missed it.. i am, thus, willing to have faith on some things...

This is how i understand the context of what King Benjamen said, "Believe in God, believe that he is...believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."

i know enough to know that i can trust.. ashton should just trust Mindy. going outside by himself is a bad idea.. he will understand eventually...

i don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me... i think it might sound like i am crazy...

hahhahahaheehhehhehooohoohoo

Liz, where do you find this stuff....

ahhhh, i am still laughing....