all.. most..

On stormy days it is easy to oversleep a little because the obscurity of the sky feels like evening and because your body senses that it just feels right to stay snuggled up. I overslept a little bit and when i woke up my phone/alarm was in my hand indicating that i had, in fact, heard the alarm even though i had no recollection of that...

On mornings when i am running late it is nice if i can talk a roommate into dropping me off at class, then I don't have to worry about the park-the-car-and-dash-to-class scenario. This morning it was Meg who obliged me. I scurried bashfully into the wooded floor ballet room slid off my gray slip on shes and slid on my pink ballet slippers and found my place at the bar where class had already begun. There, in pink tights, there were ton dues and deg aches... davant... a la second... derriere... (I long to learn french...)

Between Ballet and Acting for Film I have a 3 hour break. And because I had not managed to bring anything but my small bag with me- i knew i would need to go home. and because Meg had driven me, i knew that i would have to walk there..

I was down the last 6 or so pages of Breakfast at Tiffany's. I don't think i have ever really read while walking but i couldn't stop myself.. i.had.to.read... i have no idea how my feet kept moving as i read those last few pages.. the sky was still gray and the wind made the couple of little tears feel cold on my face and dry up fast... as i closed the book and looked up i thought about dishonest hearts, the mean reds, french, 'not knowing what's yours until you've thrown it away' and belonging...

i had reached 100 North and 200 East. There, nestled on that corner, was a tiny white house that said on the side: Provo Bakery. A red sign illuminated the word "Open". Well, I had to go in, 'it was all so wildly romantic'. I knew what the bakery would smell like before i went in- i wasn't disappointed. The girl behind the counter put my poppy-seed and blueberry muffins inside a white paper sack, which was just as it should have been..

As I left the bakery, and looked at the sidewalk, it was clear that someone had swept and cleaned up the area- so I abandoned the sidewalk for the street where i could crunch through the yellow/brown dry fall/autumn leaves.. as i walked the last few feet in the leaves just before reaching home- my mind racing in the pages of what i just read, my hands holding the warm white paper sack, pink tights still on under my sweats, my gray shoes covered in bits of leaves-- i thought to myself...

"not Tiffany's... but almost"...

Sometimes I can feel my bones straining...

i love Sunday naps when it is raining outside the window next to your bed and while you take that nap you dream in images of things you have seen in recent life...

A few weeks ago I saw an original short play called Yellow Umbrellas at school.. It was so innovative and creative and it made me want to make new plays..

Last night I went to see a stage adaptation of Nosferatu. It was unlike anything i has ever seen. They basically recreated the film on stage while filming so the screen above the stage was showing the film/play going on below in 8 mm. black and white film.. They incorporated clips of the original film as well.. it just pretty much blew my mind.. it made me want to make new films.. on stage....


Also in the top 5 were:
-face painting at the Halloween carnival.. nothing gets me like little kids who want me to paint unicorns on their cheeks.. And oh my- when little Asian twins dress up as Micky and Minnie Mouse.. I could just die.. Halloween is more magical with kids involved.

-Rachel as the Hamburgler.. seriously.. the most awesome thing ever.. she made every inch of that costume and she PAINTED those burgers on her tie. Woah..

-There was dancing-- dancing in costumes-- and it was good..

-I pulled off the costume #1 in the anti-sexy halloween costume series.. the lunch lady.
Doesn't get much less sexy.. I cant wait to think of un-sexy costumes for next year...

I really wanted to be YELLE for Halloween (I actually just want to be here when i grow up) but she was way way too sexy and awesome..

stream of consciousness

The blue period happens:

the moon makes the sky look dark blue-
i can see the moon outside my window from my bed-
'my, isn't the moonlight terrible?'-
the moonlight's soundtrack is a train whistle-
i do love stephens mint chocolate marshmallow hot chocolate..
two hot drinks in one evening means that i cant sleep
sometimes empty paper Starbucks cups next to the emergency break are a melancholy sight...
applying the breaks- slowing down something you might have let go smoothly for a while longer.. is not easy..
cars and their breaks cost A LOT of money.. they break sometimes..
money is not real..
you can miss something.. even things that are not real
(i do not miss money tonight.. but i miss some things that aren't/weren't real)
i'd drive home this weekend had i the money and the time..
i will go pretty far out of my way to drive over/walk in/ride through crunchy leaves
'back home kids play in the leaves in the park.. she wants to play a game of hearts'
sometimes it feels like people are always hurting someone or being hurt..
'i don't know which is worse'
which/witch..
i will spend this Halloween rehearsing..
i am an actress. no that's not right...
my heart is always on the line...
got 45's to play at night and books to spend with every weekend..
truman capote creates the best character names
i am holly golightly
(i wish i were as interesting as a character in book)
got books to spend with every weekend
it might be better to stay in..
better in than exposed on the cliffs of the heart...

irony.

Irony is when your heater and your refrigerator break at the same time..

my, that irony can sure be diabolical... then Utah gets in on the game decides to spring an usually cold couple of days on ya' at the same time..

i swear, everything about me has been cold for days.. my toes, my finger tips, my bed, my clothes, my toilet seat... every little thing!!

Everything, that is, except the 2 liter of diet dr. pepper and the rest of the groceries that are inside the one place in the house that is warmer than 55 degrees (that would be the fridge.. it's nice a toasty in there..)

bugger!

it is kinda like rain on your wedding day.. or the free ride when you already paid.. or the good advice that you just didn't take...

wait....

killing me softly...

Oh me.... oh my!

THIS is the most beautiful thing I have heard in a long long time...

The world may belong for you...

Yesterday, I was sitting in physical science and we were talking about Einsteins theory of relativity... the conclusion of the class was that space and time are completely relative.. (the speed of light is the only constant).

I have to say that relative to me, space and time has been flying! The end of the summer exploded like a firecracker and then faded out as quick as it burst open with colors... but it sure was beautiful and here are just a few reasons why:

The Kindreds hit the Outside Lands in San Francisco
(where my heart still resides)


It felt a lot like this:


And at the same time like this:


San Francisco was only to be followed by the flat flat lands in Indianan with Papa..

How I wish life always felt as magical as:
Dotty's for breakfast- out.side.lands. golden gate park- beck singing lost cause- m. ward playing all of post war- radiohead, playing my favoritefavorite songs- cooooookie pies- china town with em- CHACHA!- dancing on trash cans to tom petty- my toes in the pacific ocean- devendra bandhart dancing and jumping- grace cathedral hill- hanging out the side of cable cars on the way to the ocean with people who "never happen"- the view of the golden gate- wilco and the mountain beds- Stars taking me to the riot- broken social scene dreaming about me- bon iver screaming 'what might have been lost!'- hot chocolate- hide away beds- the squat and gobble- airplanes with magazines- symphony on the prairie- sunset walks on the monon trail- covered bridges- those wide and lovely corn fields- laughing at the old photo albums with dad (who was there for all of it)- and the many more more more magic moments that were the last 2 weeks of summer...

You know, Einstein also theorized that if we could ride a beam of light and look back at a clock it would appear that time was standing still, and as we approach the speed of light, time appears to slow down...

There are times in life (like the above) that I would really like to ride that beam of light and slow things down.. it all goes so fast.. do any human beings realize life while they live it?? ... (sigh) the world may belong for you, but it will never belong to you...

i am feeling better now...

la la la, la la la....

9th & M

yes-its true that, as previously stated, life sometimes feels like a brown paper grocery sack...

And it is also true that sometimes life feels like a moment on a swing when you reach weightlessness...

when you are not moving backward or forward... you are a color and you are floating.. it feels a little like flying, a little like space travel, a little like bubbles or clouds...
like a feather..

it's especially magical if its 70 something degrees out and your ipod just instinctively shuffled to the worlds most perfect song.. and no one else is there so you can sing loudly and slide off key in the second verse and get goosebumps as you belt the chorus..

and the sky is still reflecting blue even though the sun set hours ago.. and the grass, mixed with the blueish black hue of the sky, is a deeper green.. and it reminds you of the green in the hills from that morning when you drove with your windows down..

and your fingers loosen their grip on the chain links of the swing as you reach the highest point.. because they trust that feeling.. they believe you are weightless..

and you are not cars or telephones or clean getaways or lonesome fuel for fire or stacks or ohmygodwhatever etc...

you are a feather.

feel infinite. feel alive. feel summer.

(i relish it)